Male Contributor Post #2: Are There Soul Mates?

“We recognize a soul mate by the supreme level of comfort and security we feel with that person. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means we know intuitively that we can resolve issues with our soul mate without losing his or her love and respect.” -Linda Brady

You guys already know the lowdown of what I think of soul mates… and if you don’t, you can read it for yourself here. So here’s my male contributor’s views- Enjoy! 

Well hello there, it’s been a long time without a promised, ranting, opinionated post. Apologies, real life and real procrastination called, so I’m a little backed up on the writing aspect of things.

So where have I been and what’s taken me so long? Well I’ve been out in the world working, drinking, flirting, dating and generally having my fair load of shenanigans. All in the name of research of course- I mean after all what kind “male guest poster” would I be if I wasn’t out there living life so I could come up with things to talk to y’all about? Okay, so maybe coming up with post topics wasn’t always the first thing on my mind as I was walking into a bar, drinking my nth beer of the night, talking with my friends and looking for a pair of pretty eyes to get lost in for a while. However those experiences are what I can (and do) draw from when I’m writing and what makes me a guy, which if I recall correctly is what got me this gig in the first place. So let’s get on with it then.

In my last post I asked for ideas for topics and after shifting through all one of the answers, I decided that I had enough of an opinion to respond to this one: “What are your views/ opinions on marriage? Such as: Do Soul mates exist? Is there hope for happily ever after? Are some people meant to be single/ are happier and more productive single? Feel free to rant and ramble!” A nice light topic to get going on, jeez. I kid, I kid, because I do really like this question. It’s something that we all think about, probably many times throughout our lives.

To start off, let’s go with the first example question listed: “Do soul mates exist?” To that my answer is a big emphatic NO. That is, if we’re saying they inherently exist. There’s no perfect person out there that will fit you like a glove. Soul mates can and most likely do exist if we look at it in the sense that you can and most likely will meet someone you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with. You’ll have a deep, deep connection with each other soul to soul. But that’s not going to happen without work, and a lot of it. No matter how happy the couple there is always work to be done in a relationship. In fact, in my opinion a lot of times the relationships that need and have more work to be done are the ones that are the happiest. Saying that “soul mates” exist in the sense that we can find someone who we fit perfectly with, without that work or with even a small amount of work though? Well that’s asking a helluva lot from the universe in my mind.

So to go along with that, there are definitely people who are meant to be single, whether that be for a month, a year, or a lifetime. I think I’m in that phase right now myself. I think that in this time during my life I am better off being single. Now I could also meet someone in a week that I spend the rest of my life with and I would be happier than a pig in slop if that happened. However, I am not going out chasing that. I believe that as soon as we start chasing after that relationship we start making it near impossible for ourselves to find one. The extra pressure we put on ourselves makes it really easy for us to ruin a potentially good thing. However if you take that step back and just enjoy your time being single, go out, make mistakes and live life, things have a way of working out in the way they are supposed to. And if that’s staying single for a (seemingly) long time… well, I mean you’ll be having a good time anyways, so who cares.

Well that’s about all the ranting I have in me right now. I’m always trying to come up with my own topics (I am I promise! Even if the proprietor of this site has to harass me for posts every now and then). But If I didn’t answer this question as fully as hoped or if there are follow up questions to it please do not hesitate to send them in. Or if you have any new topics that you think I may have an opinion on, be sure to send those on in too. In the mean time I’ll keep putting myself out there, drinking, fraternizing and being merry, all for the sake of this blog’s readership of course…. and maybe just maybe in hopes of one of those girls with the pretty eyes just so happening to get lost back because hey, you never know right?

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The ONE thing that you need to know

The worst thing that can happen to your relationship is to follow relationship advice.

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Why?

because all of it is a lie. Including mine.

Because, guess what? All relationships are different. No one else will ever love someone like you love your family. No one else will love their children like you love yours. And no one else’s love will be the same love that you have with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or best friend. There is no one perfect formula: take a half cup man plus a quarter cup woman and stir. Put it in the oven and in 20 minutes you will have a relationship. Some relationships need cinnamon, some need more flour, and some may even need a heaping ton of salt. Something that we all need to realize is: no one else is in your relationship besides you and your partner.

Okay, so I’m not going to say that if your parents and friends hate them then it’s totally not a warning sign and he’s a great guy- because that probably would be a lie. But all the advice columns… all the people bitter because of a broken heart or defensive of their own choices are not going to make the right decision for you. I could drive myself crazy reading all the things from A) the people who are single and are mad because they haven’t found someone yet OR watched their relationship crash and burn, or, B) the people who married young/fast/whatever and feel the need to tell everyone else IT IS OK AND I AM SO HAPPY AHH.

if you are the above: I have no problem with you, I am happy for you either way- Yay you’re single and that is awesome- freedom and nights out and independence, oh my! and if you are married- lucky you, you found your best friend who you wanna live with and that’s fantastic. 🙂 It’s just hard when these people think “their” way is the BEST and ONLY way. I guess this should be no surprise, us as human beings do this all the time. But it’s really confusing if you’re somewhere in the middle. I look at the single people and am like “well, I’m not single.” The very, uh, passionate ones believe your 20’s and college years are for hooking up, traveling the world on a whim, and that being married or in a relationship is the worst possible thing you could do to yourself. The married ones are all “I got married to my high school sweetheart and we are super happy! Why wait?”

sooo…. one group of society tells me I’m living my life wrong and will regret it because I didn’t date a string of men (not that that’s wrong if that’s what you want- live your life girl! it’s just not the choice for me.) and the other half tells me I should be married already because if i’m not ready then it’s not right. So what are we supposed to do? is there a right choice for anyone? Should we all run around like chicken’s with our heads cut off securing our MRS. degrees or should we break off a great relationship just so we can explore? There is no one right answer for everyone. No one-size-fits-all. But there is something that IS true.

If I could tell everyone in the whole world one thing?

It would be that love is not expendable.

We’ve got to stop treating it like it is.

You cannot buy love- you can’t get it on a computer screen, late at night on a X-rated site and you can’t find it in a prostitute. It’s not love they’re selling. A man whose wife is from an arranged marriage does not necessarily have her heart- just her company.

Love can be made at any point and any time, and we’re not going to run out of it like we might for our natural resources. But it’s not something that you can plainly see. If you think too deeply about it, it becomes confusing about what it actually is. Chemicals? Friendship on fire? Hormones? Whether you call the most powerful being God, Allah, Buddha, or cosmic karma, you can not argue that the common connection between all of us is LOVE. Love is the thing that is present everywhere- seeking, searching, finding, giving, and never taking. You don’t give up on true love. Or at least, you shouldn’t.

Your family, your children, and your spouse… these are the things that we should love and cherish above all else. Because they give us love and need ours in return.

Everyone is different. There is a “right” path for everyone to choose for themselves… So don’t be afraid to defy the social norm, go after what you want, marry your best friend, chase your dreams, or marry your best friend WHILE chasing your dreams. But please.. don’t listen to me. Decide for yourself.

 

First Post from my new Male Contributor!

 

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GUYS! My male guest poster finally sent me something! (I kid, I kid, he’s great… and it’s a great post!)

I seriously was so excited I started hopping all around my room. It doesn’t take much to get me excited.

So, without further ado, here it is:

Have you ever suggested and then volunteered to do something because you thought “I could do that” and then when you go to do it you realize you have no fricking clue what you are talking about? Well you now know how I found myself in this position of being this blog’s volunteer guest male poster. When I suggested the idea I thought heck, I have a million ideas of what to say (read: how to defend us guys). Now I’ve been staring at a blank screen going “no, wait, come back ideas, I promise I’ll give you the attention you deserve. So… Hope you enjoyed reading my post. See you next time!

Wait you want more than that? S*&#! Okay, well I guess I could use this to let you know a bit about me and what I was thinking when I put myself into this mess. I like to think I’m one of those legitimately nice guys. You know, the ones that girls say they want? Then seem to pass right by. Yeah that’s me. No this isn’t going to be a slam against women, saying they only go for “bad boy” or whatever you want to call it (althoughhhhh some of y’alls gender can make it pretty easy to say that at times). No this isn’t a slam because I’m also that guy you know that, while being super nice, has the game with women of, well, what’s something that has very, very little game with women? A cold burrito? Does that make sense? Ah, to hell with it, I like the way it sounds- if y’all don’t find it funny there will be other, funnier jokes (well hopefully).

So what you may be asking: What DO I have to offer then? Well, I’ve had a fair share of flings in the past of varying lengths and variety, and a few serious relationships that in retrospect probably could have gone better, although I am currently a single guy who is trying to wade my way back into the whole meeting women thing. Well then, that’s probably enough about me for the first post. I’m sure you’ll find out more in any subsequent articles. Which leads me to the next point and the whole point of this post itself, which is what does the readership of this blog want out of me as a writer? Are there any specific topics I should tackle? A regular Q and A where I answer all the questions you can’t just randomly go up and ask men? What do the inquiring minds wish to know from a single guy (heck I’d just like to know this for my own benefit, the more I think about it)? I mean I could just go on rants as I think of them, but I think we’d all be better off if I have some ideas to bounce of off. I’m willing to write/talk/loudly state my opinion about whatever on here so don’t think that any topic is off limits. Trust me, I’m very good at rambling, ask my ex.

Well without a specific topic to go off about, I think that’ll just about put a bow on things for this time. Thank you for reading, get those suggestions in, I’ll do my best to think of some good ideas as well. Also a special thank you goes out to the wonderful proprietor of this blog, for giving me an avenue to vent and hopefully give the guys a voice in the argument on here.