5 things you deserve

Hey everyone,

So I’ve been growing so anxious lately in anticipation of graduation and sick of the never ending winter, and I realized I haven’t written in a while. Which is sad, because two of my best friends have recently begun seeing guys and I, of course, have been living vicariously through them as I’ve been off the market for a while. I felt the butterflies when they first told us about him, I was heartbroken with them when they were disappointed, and I cheered when my friend told me things were official. This all got me to thinking about the things we DO deserve in any kind of relationship- whether it’s a boyfriend or a husband-to-be. I’ve talked so much lately about how too many people want the “perfect” man and have too high of expectations. But the real problem lies in the things that we’re willing to accept instead- the lacking commitment, the talking to other women, etc. So here’s what you DO deserve, and need:

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  1. Excitement

Every person deserves excitement. Whether it’s butterflies, joy that a friendship is turning into something more, hopefulness for the future, etc. I’m not saying you have to be over the moon every second- because sometimes things start off slower, but I once tried to make things happen with a guy who was clearly nothing more than a friend to me. I wasn’t feeling it, and therefore wasn’t excited- to see him, for the future, and to make things official.

When is it a bad sign? Your butterflies are more like ulcers. I had this happen to me with a guy before and it wasn’t pretty. I thought that was how it was supposed to be. I thought that not being able to eat when I thought about him was normal. Um… no. probably not. especially for someone who loves food as much as I do. It was anxiety and nerves because he was talking to other girls and wasn’t really mine. and it drove me crazy, for years, sadly.

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2. Laughter

I know this is such a cliche thing to say, but he needs to be able to make you laugh. I don’t care if you’re a serious type, you can’t tell me you never laugh. He doesn’t need to be a comedian or a total goofball, but you need to be able to see the humor in life. It makes things so much easier when you can laugh together. Those who laugh together love harder, feel better, and hold fewer grudges. Ok, I just made that up, but it’s probably true.

when is it a warning sign? When you are forcing your laughs. When you WANT to find him funny because you like him so darn much. When he laughs AT you when you make a mistake or do something less than bright. Seems obvious, I know, but so many people ignore this. Your partner should not be a bully. Besides, don’t you think it’ll be so much better when your future baby keeps you up all night (assuming that’s what you want) and you can both laugh about it in the morning when you fall asleep in your cheerios instead of fighting about who did more?

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3. Commitment

This is a tricky one. It may seem like I’m being captain obvious here, but if the person you like/love/whatever is willing and wanting to commit to you- whether by not seeing any other people, by becoming facebook official, giving you a promise ring, engagement, etc. there is so much more hope and security in your relationship. I have much personal experience with this. Before I met T, I never had an official boyfriend. But did I go on dates? Yup. Was I sort of kind of seeing people? Yup. (not at the same time, calm down). And every. single. time. I made the same vital flaw. I avoided having the “what are we” talks. Well, not so much avoided, but I never seemed to notice that these talks were always missing. The guys never really brought it up. My favorite (in a sarcastic, he disgusts me kind of “favorite”) is a guy who was I was seeing right before I met T. This guy had just gotten out of a long term relationship, but I thought that the rebound period was over. He promised me one night that he would “never hurt me” after an emotional moment of me telling him about the guy that broke my heart so badly. Then, ladies and gentlemen, he pinky shook. He pinky promised me he would never hurt me. So cheesy, so weird. At the time I was like “uhhh unless you marry me right now, which I don’t even want, there is no way you can promise that.” and I was right. A few weeks later he asked another girl to be his girlfriend. AND THEY ARE STILL DATING TO THIS DAY. sickening right? bleh. And the guy before him? The one I told him about? There were so many moments when I could have asked him to clarify the situation, but I didn’t. I was afraid. Afraid that he would run, afraid that the answer would be no. So instead I did a lot of high school girl cryptic facebook statues and whining to my friends. And what happened? He asked another girl to prom and ended things anyway. My life people. Proof you need to have the talk.. even if it’s hard. Please save yourself from finding stuff out like I did. I don’t care what excuse he gives, if you’ve been dating for a while, he knows where it’s going, whether he lets you in on it or not.

sorry for the rant.

moving on.

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4. Trust

A lot of good relationship books suggest you narrow your impossible mr. right list down to 3-5 things of MUST-HAVES. I think that trust must be one of those. Kailey 5 years ago would never have thought to include that on a dream man list, and that’s so naive. There are some things that are just non-negotiable. Some things that if you don’t have, the relationship will never work out, no matter what. My five things are 1. Trust  2. Wants Kids/would make a good dad  3. Financially stable (doesn’t have to be a millionaire, but I prefer he doesn’t make $7.40 an hour at mickey d’s part time)  4. Makes me laugh  5. Patient

I strongly suggest everyone (men and women) reconsider the things that truly matter to them. These are the dealbreakers and they are important to know. I never understood how people can marry someone who doesn’t want kids when they very clearly do (hello grey’s anatomy), clearly this is going to be a problem somewhere down the line.

so um. what were we talking about here? Oh yeah, trust. Make sure you know he wouldn’t lie to you. I know in the deepest part of my heart that T would never intentionally (or unintentionally actually. he really is that good of a guy) hurt me and will never cheat on me. And that means a whole heck of a lot.

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5. Effort

He doesn’t need to make you breakfast in bed every day or propose to you in a huge elaborate choreographed routine in public (in fact, he probably shouldn’t. Am I the only one who the thought of that makes me cringe? Sorry, I like privacy. A few close friends and family TOPS when my day comes. Or alone. That’s all I ask.)

So what should he do? He should make the effort to see how you are doing, ask about your day, ask questions, pay attention. He should make sure you get to your car safely, ask if you want anything to drink at his house, and maybe dress in your favorite shirt now and then. T wears the cologne I got him because he knows I like it. He asks for my opinion on date outfits. In the past he has surprised me on separate occasions with arnold palmer ice tea, popcorn and chocolate (I eat it together sometimes), and flowers. This doesn’t need to be every day and they don’t need to be store-bought things. I leave him little notes every where- from under his pillow, to the notes section on his phone, to between the pages of a book. It’s my way of reminding him that I love him. He wrote me a letter and put it on my car before to surprise me. (I though I got a ticket for a second coming out of work. yikes. haha)

Your guy (or gal) should make you feel loved and special. Even the littlest things, like holding your hand in public and offering to carry her coat mean a lot.

That’s all I have for today… Love your loved ones, pet your dogs, and stay warm as the never-ceasing winter continues.

 

blogiversary

WordPress just notified me that it has been one year since I made my blog.

I can’t help but reflect on all that has happened within this past year. T and I broke up and got back together. I made the decision not to continue with my sorority. I finished my junior year and got a summer internship. I learned so much in my internship and had a wonderful summer going up north to the beach and going out with friends and spending time with T. I started my senior year and got a part time job working with babies that I LOVE.

Now I have about 13 weeks until I graduate from college and am done with school FOREVER! (or at least until or unless I go to Grad school, which is yet to be decided)

I am so different than I was a year ago- I’ve grown so much. I’m also completely different than when I first started college, which seems like a day ago yet feels like an eternity. I remember thinking my campus was so big I could never find my way around and making new friends on my floor felt so scary and new. I remember not really knowing who I was- I was in a sort of limbo. No longer the girl in high school who was obsessed with theatre, the boy with the grey eyes, and avoiding sports at all costs. I was a theatre major for a hot second, but then I didn’t know where to go from there. I never thought I’d find a guy that I was attracted to, could make me laugh, and wasn’t going to break my heart every second. I was still learning the world didn’t revolve around me, but was also figuring out who I wanted to be.

Today, I have so many ambitions. I want to do so many things to help children, women, and families. I want to make a difference in my community. I am in love, and for once in my life actually know what this means. I’m no longer searching for some mythical prince charming that doesn’t exist, but now understand what matters in the long run- something that I don’t think many girls my age understand yet. Finding the guy that pulls a splinter out of your foot, that would never make you wonder if he’d cheat on you, and wants to be a husband and a father as much as you want to be a wife and a mother is a rare and beautiful thing. I’m so excited to travel the world and live in different places and chase my dreams and watch my children’s eyes light up on christmas morning and do it all while sharing my life with someone that loves me, truly.

So where am I today?

In a much, much better place.

I started this blog hoping to share my story. Hoping to find out somewhere between my stupid jokes that no one gets and the too many gifs that I am actually ok. That my life is where it’s supposed to be, and that the things that used to matter so much- like getting the lead in the school play or having a cute date to the homecoming dance, don’t mean anything in the long run. There’s no one to tell me I’m doing it right, and that was very scary to me for a long time. I was constantly wondering if I’d met the “one,” over-thinking my career choices, and questioning myself as a person. I finally know that it’s all ok, to trust myself, and believe in what I deserve. And that, in itself, is a miracle.

I don’t know if I will continue my blog after graduation- I might go back to rarely posting or I might cease entirely. It’s yet to be decided, but I’m ok with that.

Happy blogiversay, hugs and the suburbs.

Teaser

So before I start:

a) redoing the art project I did wrong

b) studying for an exam tomorrow

c) typing up the summary of the guest lecture I had to go to tonight

d) crying

I wanted to post an update, because yes, I realize I haven’t posted all freakin’ semester. I wanted to, I really did. In fact, I have about 5 or 6 half written posts saved on my desktop because I would start one and then think it wasn’t good enough or not have time to finish it. This semester I haven’t really had time to do the things that I love and help de-stress me like:

a) blogging

b) running/exercising

c) reading for fun

because I’ve been too busy working (I got a job working with infants at a development center. I love it- LOVE it. I love babies), going to class, doing homework, trying to graduate in the spring, pretending the amount of sleep I get is enough, consuming mass quantities of caffeine, seeing my boyfriend, joining a club, and job hunting for the days when I finally can hold that sweet sweet diploma.

Seeing as I (finally) only have a few weeks left of my fall semester, I thought I’d actually post and let you guys know the dealio. Over christmas break I plan on having spare time (YAY) because I recently quit my summer job that was supposed to carry on as seasonal  because I knew I would hate it, and I thought I deserved one last break before I have to become an adult. Here are some things you can look forward too:

a) a list of the top 5 and worst 5 leading men in rom coms

b) why Mr. Big was Mr. Big Mistake (remember when I said I was going to do that? yeah.)

c) The 10 second rule of love

d) The moment you knew he was the “one”

e) and more that I have yet to come up with.

So, in conclusion, (remember in middle school when the teachers would lecture us about not starting our conclusion with “In conclusion”? I always thought that was crap. They were all “I KNOW it’s your conclusion, you don’t need to say it”and I was all “YOU’RE REQUIRING A CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH, LET ME START IT HOW I WANT.”)

I just realized you can create polls on wordpress… so that’s kinda cool. Please vote to help me improve in the future. 🙂

Anyway, I’m sorry this was boring and merely informative. I send you all my virtual love. Here’s a link to a hilarious live tweet of a random couple breaking up. Most/some of you have probably already seen it.. but I thought it was funny and it brightened my day!

cheers!

the eternal check list

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Then: senior picture in high school     Now: confident senior in college. sort of.                                                         

Today I had my graduation check, which is when you make sure you have all your classes completed or currently enrolled in in order to graduate. As I sat there watching my advisor check off all the little boxes I couldn’t help but remember when it had seemed nearly impossible. My freshman year each major had seemed like it required much more than four years of classes- there were just so many requirements to graduate. Now 3 years and 96 credits later I am so much closer. 

It made me think about all the other things in life we feel we need to get checked off. boyfriend, check. bachelor’s degree, check. job I like, check. 

So often we are trying to cross off all the boxes in life, but the harsh reality is, if we wait until all our boxes are checked our lives may never begin. The qualifications and goals don’t go away after we complete them, they just change. They are never ending, and a part of us is always striving for them, worried that if we don’t  check them off we’ll end up alone living with a ton of cats and a job we hate. have a relationship- check. Then get engaged- check. Then get married- check. Have kids- check, check, check. 

There is no easy formula to happiness, and no one’s list of life goals is the same. Some of us want to be CEO’s of big modern-day up & coming companies, while others want to help orphan’s in another country. Neither is more important than the other, because they both need to be done. Not everyone has what it takes to be a CEO, and not everyone has the strength to help those less fortunate. Everyone must find their own passion, their purpose, and their “graduation pathway.” 

Imagine you are 25, happily married, with 2 kids, a house, and your dream job that also pays well. The ideal perfection of the American dream. 

“I’d feel pretty darn awesome,” You’d say, thinking how cool it would be if you had your life figured out that early. 

But besides being pretty much impossible, you’d still want more. Our complicated brains constantly come up with new goals for us, and just because we complete them doesn’t mean we’ll stop there. Completing something doesn’t necessarily mean lifelong happiness and satisfaction, because it’s not the end of your journey. It’s just the start of a new checklist. We are never “done,” We create dreams and goals for ourselves because if we didn’t our lives would be boring. Have you ever felt that loss of purpose? After completing something that consumed so much of your time you wondered, “what now?” ….So you start another project. We’re always wanting more… more money, more time, more dates, when will it be enough? We have to stop being greedy, and find a happy medium. Be thankful for what you have, who you are at this point in your life, and all that you have achieved. But never stop reaching for your dreams. 

When you cross off all your boxes, make new ones. When the qualifications and boxes seem as if they are impossible- keep trying. At the start of a journey it can seem as if the way there will take forever.. but then you blink, and you’re 21, in a committed relationship, and graduating from college in the spring.

check.

check. 

check. 

love should come with a road map & relationships with a travel guide

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The other day I made T a friendship bracelet. I’d made him a similar one at work last summer and he wore it until it broke. As I sat there tying the little blue and green strings into knots I couldn’t help but remember when I’d made one for a different boy. Remembering how naive and hopeful I’d been, so inexperienced when it came to dating. I remember I’d made it his favorite color and he’d “forgotten” it in my basement. That should’ve been a sign. Especially when I ran out to his car to give it to him and he just shrugged and gave me a look. At the time I hadn’t thought twice about that moment, but now it lives in my memory as a missed indicator that something was wrong.

I couldn’t help but wonder… do we accept and ignore things in our dating relationships that we would never put up with in our platonic friendships? Do we push little tell-tale signs aside because we have a crush? And is that really good for us? What about our intuition, our gut, our instincts… where do those go? There’s times when a girl really needs a little red blinking sign in her head that says something like “danger, entering rocky relationship ahead” or “caution. sketchy dude.” When you are in deep infatuation with a person, those little signals all seem to hit the high road. But why? Isn’t that when we need it most? It isn’t until we’re flat on our butts with the air knocked out of us that we realize we’ve missed all the signs. Is it part of the experience of having a crush… or do we do it to ourselves? If it’s inevitable that your crush is going to crush you, is it possible that we don’t really want to know?

It may be true that things aren’t always so black and white. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what the problem is, because the problem isn’t visible. And perhaps there doesn’t appear to be one to an outsider, but you know it’s there. Throughout my life there’s been times when I’ve been seeing a guy or talking to a guy and all of a sudden something changes and I can’t shake the feeling that somehow we’ve reached a fork in the road and he went one way and I went another and we can’t go back. But this often occurred when there wasn’t even a relationship to break in the first place: When there was never really anything to begin with, it’s even easier to fall apart. It got me thinking that maybe in these scenarios you and your crush aren’t even compatible at all… Just two people wanting so desperately to find love, companionship, and someone to hold their hand, that we try so hard to fall for the wrong person. I could dream up an ideal world in my head where so many of the men I’ve liked became the perfect boyfriends and we always had stuff to talk about and went on all these fun dates… but in reality, it simply never happened. Even if the guy hadn’t done anything “wrong…”  he hadn’t necessarily done anything “right” either. Sometimes nothing’s wrong, but everything is.

Sometimes our warning signals and wariness finally come out only when we meet a nice guy- as if we don’t believe he could actually be nice, and that somewhere lurking deep down, he’s hoping to make us cry. I was like that with T. After so many years of pining after the bad boys that broke my heart and the too nice guys (you can read my thoughts on too nice guys here) that I had lukewarm feelings for, I had finally met a guy who was the complete package. So what did I do? completely and utterly panicked. Naturally.

If we had met at 15 it would have been a completely different story. All it would’ve taken was a meeting of eyes across a crowded room. But I wasn’t 15 anymore. I carried years of distrust- and finally there it was. My wariness that someone might hurt me. Coming out at the completely wrong time. It was only after I took some time to myself one day to think of all that he had done, all that he was, and all that I knew he could never be that I realized BAM, I had somehow gone through the dating trenches and ended up with a really great guy. How did I do it? I have no effing idea. But that’s the thing that keeps us going, isn’t it? What keeps us believing the lies and the bullshit- we’re hoping against all else, that he’s the one.

One is silver and the other’s gold?

It’s sweet summer summertime!

or spring. whatever floats your boat…

As for me, I have finished my finals, moved back home, and started my internship- today I held lots of babies. In the world of Kailey, this is a wonderful wonderful thing.

What I want to talk about today is friendship: How people come and go in your life. There are the obvious times- graduating high school or college. When you look around and you know you’ll never see some of those people again. That sounds horrible, and you don’t want to admit it to yourselves, or each other… But you don’t know the future. It’s weird to me to think that I might never actually see again, in person, one of my past best friends or crush or family friends who moved away. I always seem to run into the people I don’t want to see- never the ones I do. Maybe that means something. Maybe I should put in the effort. Either way, I know it probably won’t happen. Does that make me sound like a horrible person for saying that? Maybe. But you can’t admit that you haven’t done the same to someone, at some point in your life. 

The other night I had a dream about someone who I haven’t seen in a while. Someone who quickly became one of my best friends my freshman year of college. She and I shared the same major, and lived in the same hall. She was more tom-boyish than me, but I always felt safe with her. Like I fit in. After a fall out with my roommate and other best friends, we grew even closer, and there wasn’t a day where I didn’t think she was going to be my maid of honor someday.

…Or so I thought. She was from out of state and returned there in the summer. I missed her like crazy but we texted a lot and I thought things would go back to normal the next year. Sadly, I returned to find things a little different than I expected. I had a new boyfriend and had changed my major, while she moved in with a new girl she became fast friends with and moved further into the cliques of my former major. I suddenly felt left out whenever I was with her, like I was missing some private joke. She became less and less available and as I lived in another hall as her it became harder to see her. As the year drew on I joined a sorority, and when I told her of my decision (it was a rather rash one at the time) she barely reacted and I knew I had lost her. It was incredibly sad whenever I saw her that year… She would barely say hi to me, and when we finally did meet for lunch she acted distant, barely talking to me about what had happened in the months/weeks we had been apart. I never really did figure out why she cut me out of her circle, but I guess looking back on it now I realize some of it was me, growing away on my own. I was no longer the single girl theatre major I once was. I was a sorority girl with a boyfriend, and whether I liked it or not I was different. That doesn’t mean it hurt any less though. 

The truth is, we always keep moving forward, with or without the people we thought would be along with us for the ride. It’s hard sometimes, without these people, because we were counting on them. Because originally we believed they would be there for us. But we have to realize that you still can do the things you wanted to do. You can still complete your goals, and take the steps to becoming the future you. You just do it in a slightly different way. And despite what anyone tells you, if those people bailed, they weren’t good travel partners anyway. 

You’ve just got to count your blessings, realize who really matters to you, and move on. Life is too short to hold a grudge, or a regret. 

 

 

(p.s. If you didn’t get the title reference, it’s from an old girl scout song about friendship. haha)

A post NOT about relationships

Except maybe the relationship with myself.

I realized that I’ve been in a slump lately. 

I went home for the weekend and that always makes me feel better. I love seeing my family and having a little time for myself. I have 3 roommates and sleep in a room with 30 other girls. I love ‘em, especially when S tells me she wants a croissant at 11pm at night, or C laughs like a pelican, or K watches the ENTIRE first season of American Horror Story in one weekend… but I’m the kind of person that needs to be alone sometimes. Tonight my chapter had a sisterhood workshop and it reminded me of how proud I am of my sorority. After that I walked to a meeting with the other exec board members of the child life club I’m in. Lately I’ve been dreading going outside, especially when it’s dark. But as I walked through the nearly deserted streets, absent of students who were home preparing for monday’s impending classes, and with the weight of my new rape flash light my dad got me in the pocket of my coat (yeah. It blinds attackers. I also have a whistle. look out.) I listened to the songs “yellow” by coldplay and “Us” by Regina Spektor (the song from the beginning of (500) days of summer. Never seen it? Well first let me help you climb out of the rock you’ve been living under, second… go see it. It’s your homework.). As I walked down the main street right off campus I noticed that the moon was glowing especially bright, I saw the constellations I learned in 10th grade mythology, and my breath curled out in whispy spirals in the crisp february air. I realized for the first time in a while that I was happy. Spring semester has been such a struggle for some reason… I lacked the commitment, effort, and excitement I had in the fall, but walking to the coffee shop tonight I remembered how much I love my life. How my life involves things I never thought it would. It got me wondering what younger Kailey would think.

 

As an II year old I wrote a paper for my 6th grade english class for an assignment where we had to imagine our lives in several years. I wrote about how I “traveled” forward to high school age in some kind of weird time warp that only my preteen self could come up with. I just rediscovered this paper over christmas break because my parent’s are redoing our basement and my mom was having me look through all my papers, drawings, stories, math problems, report cards, since- uh, the beginning of time. Because that woman saved every. single. one. 

 

anywhoooo.

 

I talked about my 6th grade friends as if they would be my friends forever… when in reality two of them moved/changed schools and I changed my entire group of friends in 7th grade. And I changed again when I switched school systems for the second time for high school. But the point is… little Kailey had this dream about what I would be like in high school, college, and when I was older and obviously a famous movie star. I pictured myself tall, thin, with super long straight hair. I never really thought too much about college because my plan since I was 9 was to become an actress. I imagined myself confident, outgoing, and fun. I was really shy as a little kid, and therefore my dream was to someday be the loudest girl in the room. 

20 year old Kailey is average height. Exactly. I am 5’4” which is the average height of the average women. I don’t worry about my weight, because I don’t have a problem with it, which is something I couldn’t say for a long time in my life. But that’s not really something I like to talk about, especially on a blog. I have always had a healthy to slim body frame, but I didn’t always think I was. Now, however, I am happy with who I am. I’m very comfortable in my own skin, and that’s a huge accomplishment from how I once was. 

I’m not famous. Obviously. Acting and theatre were a huge HUGE part of my life for so long… and it brought me so many good friends, and memories. I came to college double majoring in theatre and an arts program. It wasn’t long though before I realized that I wasn’t being realistic. I no longer had the drive and passion to compete so bloodthirstily against my peers, and so, I changed my major. It was scary and confusing because I honestly had never really considered doing anything else all throughout high school. There were times when I was younger when I wanted to be a teacher, writer, painter, and yes, a cowgirl, but when I got close enough to actually going to school I had no other plans. 

 

I chose my major because my whole life I’ve been really good with little kids. They kind of love me. Whether volunteering at my community theatre’s day camp or making a baby behind me in meijer giggle… It’s something that I’ve always enjoyed doing. And I hate saying this because I’m afraid people will judge me, because really- I’m a feminist and think women can be whatever they want to be…. but I’m SO excited to be a Mom someday. I feel that the reason for my existence is to someday be an awesome mom. Is that weird? I just love kids in general. And babies. I love babies but am afraid of them because I don’t actually have that much experience. 

 

But moving on from that. 

 

I also thought of what my high school self would think. About to graduate from high school kailey. She was so sure of her path… I wanted to go to a different college than I do now. But I wasn’t accepted to their theatre program, so I decided to go here because it’s a better school overall and would bring me greater opportunities. I had a perm (not crazy 80’s, but more wavy/loose curls.. think taylor swift), I had my cartilage pierced, and thought I was invincible. Now, 3 years and many experiences later, my perm has grown out. My stud got infected freshman year and when I took it out it closed up. I joined a sorority. Something that I never thought I would do, but am so glad I got to experience, because it’s a once in a lifetime thing. I have a boyfriend. If I ever imagined having a boyfriend in college I imagined some guy who I’d meet here and take home to meet my parents. But instead… I met him at home. Lastly, I’m the membership chair for the club I joined last year. Even though I don’t really want to do child life anymore, it’s been a great experience. 

I think of my 11 and 18 year old self and know they would approve of my nearly 21 year old self (2 months guys!). She has confidence I never could’ve dreamed when I was younger. She understands that there are bad things that happen in the world and that she isn’t perfect. She understands a lot of things young Kailey never did.

What about you? Do you ever think about the choices you’ve made and how your goals have changed as you’ve aged?

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So because I’ve been talking so much about being in a relationship and romance… next time I plan to talk about another kind of relationships: friendship. 🙂 

p.s. “Alan Shepard” while this was probably not that interesting/applicable to you, I wanted to give you a shoutout. 😛

And so it begins….

Photo on 2013-12-31 at 19

Hiya! I’m Kailey!

I’m a junior in college who loves lake michigan, painting, How I met your mother, little kids, musical theatre, and dogs. I’d rather stay home and watch a movie than party, am in a sorority, and am absolutely terrified of spiders, driving on the highway, and Samara from the ring. I have a boyfriend of a year and a half (I’ll refer to him as “T”) who makes me re-fall in love with him every day and puts up with my whiny nonsense more than any boy really should.

So that’s me.

First of all I never realized how confusing the blogging world really is. All I wanted was to start a simple little blog with a cute font or background or something. It’s an understatement to say that I was overwhelmed by the amount of blogging sites, themes, and so forth that I had to pick from. It’s intense out there, I’m not lying.

But anyway.

-Why I’m here: aka “Why I want to be Carrie Bradshaw”-

Sometime during my freshman year at college I developed a love for the television series sex & the city. I watched the movies, TV show, and read the books. People would sometimes make fun of me if I mentioned it because they said the show is all about sex. And I’m not saying it’s not in there in incredibly awkward amounts… but I think they’re missing the point. The show is about relationships. A woman living on her own in New York city forging a way for herself in the world of journalism, while having the time of her life with her best friends, and dating wayyyy too many guys to count. While I can in no way relate to the dating life of a 30 to 40 year old woman living in a metropolitan area, I find her various experiences with love and the way she writes about it fascinating. I also am intrigued by “mr. big”…The guy that carrie lusts after, wants, loves, and deeply cares about but can never seem to make things happen with… until they get married. BOOM. Didn’t see that one coming did you? (Or maybe you did, because you’ve seen the series, or you haven’t and are mad at me for spoiling it. So sorry lovelies!) But I’ll talk more about Mr. Big and all that he represents later, if you stick with me. (did that motivate you? how else shall I bribe you? chocolate? puppies? One of those Japanese chefs who can throw the egg in their hat or the shrimp in their pockets?)

So something else you should know is that I’ve been writing little carrie-like snippets in diaries/on my computer since I was 15 or 16 and didn’t even know about the show. I’ll admit the earlier ones are bad. So bad, I hope no one but me EVER sees them and finds out just how dramatic and pathetic my little midteen self was. However… some of the more recent ones I’m pretty proud of. Writing calms me down, helps me work through things, and completes who I am. This is why the title “hugs and the suburbs” is a play on “sex and the city.” I’m far from being some kind of relationship guru as Ms. Bradshaw appears to be. Quite the opposite. But at times I’ve felt so alone in relationship situations/dynamics and it was hard because I didn’t always have people that understood what I was going through at the time. So the first reason as to why I’m starting this blog is for you… whoever you are. Whether you just want to laugh at me because you think blogs are dumb, or if you are genuinely looking for relationship advice/perspectives, I’m your girl. I can’t tell you the amount of hours I’ve spent on google researching relationships, but I always felt like everything I found was lacking. I have experienced a lot of growth in the relationship I’m in right now, and know that I’m not alone in the problems I sometimes experience. Every couple has ruts, arguments, and so on, but communication can solve just about anything and it’s something T and I are pretty good at if you don’t mind me bragging. And yes, I have been dating him for a decent amount of time, but that doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk about things that those of you who are single might experience. He’s my first official boyfriend and I had various relationship mishaps over the years before him so if nothing else, I want to be able to say that I learned from my mistakes and maybe even helped others from making the same ones.

Oh, and if you’re wondering my second reason for starting this… I’m being kinda selfish. I think I would really love to blog. So yes, I’m also doing this for me.

-Still there?-

So now that that extremely long winded explanation is done… stay tuned for future posts. I promise they’ll be less boring than this and MUCH shorter. I also will probably vary in writing styles/tones/voices because I’m not used to this and because some days I’m feeling really funny and whitty and others I just want to write while crying and eating my weight in cookie dough (kidding. usually).

until then, stay awesome blog-readers! 🙂