I definitely think that I suffer from seasonal depression, because today it was sunny and I just felt so much happier. 🙂 I can’t wait for spring… this winter has not been a good one for me. I think because I go to such a big school the weather effects me a lot because I spend on average an hour and a half a day walking to classes.
So as promised, I’m going to talk about how I met my boyfriend T, and how I learned how wonderful a relationship can be if you do it right.
This is probably going to be really long, so I will try to break it into more readable sections.
Part 1: my history
I think first I need to tell you some background about me and my dating life throughout high school and before I met him. Picture this: hot mess. I didn’t know how to flirt without looking like an idiot, helped a guy emotionally cheat on his girlfriend because I didn’t know any better, ran away from the guy who tried to give me my first kiss (which he later did. Perhaps some day I’ll tell that story), led on sweet innocent boys who had crushes on me, was the rebound girl, and so on and so on. I spent my entire adolescent years trying desperately to have a boyfriend. But I didn’t want just anyone, I wanted someone I really liked and I had pretty high standards (or so I thought). SO story in a nutshell, I never made good decisions involving boys. In fact, I was kind of a horrible person in high school. I didn’t mean to be, I was just so wrapped up in my own personal drama and heartache that I never bothered to realize that so many people were going through things a million times worse than me.
So now that we’ve talked about why I was completely clueless in high school, let’s move on to the cute part.
Part 2: Summer 2011
The summer after my freshman year of college I had hit my relationship bottom. I had no guys to crush on in college (well except hair boy. But this is not the time to talk about him), and had gone on one date with this boy I met at my community college biology class I was taking that summer and realized that while he was a total hunk… he was also a total dummy. After that I began seeing this kid who had just got out of a long term relationship and who was from my high school- since apparently I can’t stay away from them (T went to my high school too). The whole thing ended badly, because we had been friends before and at the end he ignored me for two weeks out of the blue, and when I finally asked him for an explanation he gave me this emotional sob story and somehow I was the one who ended up apologizing because apparently I was in the wrong for yelling at him (I know… what?). I later found out that it was all lies because he had asked this other girl to be his girlfriend before we had even had the confrontation and only shortly after he had stopped talking to me. That hurt. A lot. Because even though we hadn’t been in a official relationship, it wasn’t the first time I felt like I had been used and had another girl chosen over me.
Ok that wasn’t so cute. whoops. ok, the next part will be. fingers crossed.
Part 3: I see T for the first time
to get you in the mood for the cuteness, here are some of my favorite things: a baby and a golden retriever. T sent me this a few nights ago because I was stressed studying for my two exams. Gotta love him.
So WHILE I was seeing said boy from part 2, my best friend convinced me to go to a bonfire of one of her friends who I didn’t really know. I didn’t especially want to but ended up going anyway. T was also going to this bonfire. I saw him and thought he was really cute, and I remember for whatever reason I imagined what it would be like to date him because he talked about how he and his girlfriend had broke up a month ago. Here’s where my cheesy belief in fate comes in… I got this certain feeling when I looked at him. I’d only felt like that once before when seeing a guy for the first time and it had not ended well. But still. Can love at first sight exist? At the time I brushed off his tall, tan, hazel eyed cuteness because I thought he was older than me (he’s actually 22 days younger than me), I would never see him again, and anyway I had that other guy! (ha.)
Flash forward to a month and a half later, when we both went to ANOTHER bonfire at the same girl’s house (yeah, apparently bonfires are the place to meet people). At that point I had gone through enough with boys to put me on track to becoming a cat lady who watches way too much jeopardy and decided I was done with boys. I was finally happy in my own skin and being on my own. …..Except really only the latter is true, because I’m not the biggest fan of cats, and frankly, there’s nothing wrong with a confident happy single woman… even if she does own too many felines.
But fate had other plans as T had gotten a hair cut since I last saw him and all I could think was “holy cow, he’s cute.” He talked to me about high school musical 2 because I had been in the play a few summers back. Once we started dating he told me he actually had no clue about those movies and went home that night and watched them in case we ever talked about it again. SO. CUTE. right??
Unfortunately I had rode with friends there and they needed to leave, so I sadly said goodbye to the dreamy boy and went home.
Later, T asked the mutual friend about me, saying I was cute and calling me “kelsey” because apparently he couldn’t remember my name. The mutual friend told my best friend, who told me. Because that’s just how girls do. I was ecstatic.
Basically from then on T started hanging out with my group of friends and I realized he wasn’t just adorable, but funny, silly, kind, and wanted to go to my college after he got his associates degree in a year!
Part 4: we date!
So sometime after that T worked up the courage to ask me to coffee, and I was really nervous but found out I didn’t have to be because we had so much to talk about! I had never had a conversation that easily with a boy I liked before. As we were about to leave, T asked me “if I liked animals,” which is perhaps the cutest and funniest thing I have ever heard. He then proceeded to ask me to go to the zoo with him when I said yes….obviously I like animals.
After that we went on several more dates where he held my hand for the first time as we walked the beach at sunset. After we had been on 4 dates or so, we had our first kiss and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes. 🙂
Part 5: Long Distance
So a week after I got my first official boyfriend I had to go back to college a little over an hour away from him and began our long distance relationship that would last for the next 7 months or so. I know it totally could of been worse… He could’ve been across the country. But it was hard… Especially because I had never had a functional relationship at all. I went home at least one weekend every month and he visited me, but the key was skyping almost every day, phone calls, and text. Thank god for technology! In the spring we found out he was accepted to my school and we were both overjoyed. He moved out here this fall and lives about a 23 minute walk away from my sorority house. I love seeing him so much more this year, it truly is a blessing.
Our year and a half is february 22nd, and I’m so excited to spend my first valentines day WITH him on the 14th. I know we haven’t been dating that long in the long term sense, and we still have a lot to learn as we are both constantly changing in ourselves and our relationship, but I know we can do it!
Part 6: (finally) How I’ve benefited and what I’ve learned
So one of the hardest parts for me was and still sometimes is giving up my independence. I am, of course, my own person. We are not married, and I can pursue all of my dreams with his support. But the problem for me was facing the issues I had with myself. I had/have so many self confidence issues, commitment issues, and a boatload of anxiety. As much as T has helped me work through these, there were times where I wondered where I would be if I had met him later, but at the same time I wouldn’t give him up for anything.
Basically, here was my dilemma:
What happens when prince charming comes at the wrong time? When you’re perfectly content with your life and confident being on your own. All those years you were trying to make something work and once you finally find yourself and work out all your kinks THEN he comes? where’s the fairness in that? are you supposed to just drop everything for him? Because the truth is, it’s a internal battle. This wonderful guy that could sweep you off your feet and you’ve been looking for for years, or the self confidence and future you have planned? Which is worth more? Because what if you don’t find him again? But what if you give up everything… everything you’ve worked so hard for, and it doesn’t work out. Perhaps the timing is never right and will never be right. But what are you supposed to do in these situations? Is it possible prince charming isn’t worth it?
I’m not condoling either way… dropping your dreams for a guy (which I didn’t, by the way) or missing out on a wonderful man because you’re afraid.
Dating T has ultimately made me realize what I deserve. What ALL girls deserve.
here’s just some of the reasons:
So I know those are a wide range of things… ranging from things that most girls want, to things everyone deserves, to things that specifically I need and he has given to me.
Sorry this rambled on for 12 million years. Clearly I couldn’t stop. haha
My next post is going to be about why all girls date jerks and nice guys get used! So get excited. Because it’s going to get intense.