5 second rule

You and your friend are eating pretzels while standing at the kitchen counter when you accidentally drop one on the floor. “five second rule!” you blab and reach down to pick it up.

When people claim this piece of folklore it’s not because they actually believe it, it’s to prevent other people from judging them. If you drop a pretzel on the floor you might continue to eat it, despite the fact that it’s now potentially contaminated. So what about dating?

If we’re not sure where someone else’s heart has been- should we take the risk of biting into the relationship? 

We know the risk of germs, that the dog licked the floor, and there’s dirt from our shoes- but I guess we think that if you can’t see it, it’s not there. Or maybe we don’t want to think about it. Is it the same with people? People don’t literally walk around with their hearts on their sleeves- “dated Jenny, broke up with Karly, has a crush on Lucy.” 

But what if they did? Would we still take the chance? If reminded of the lurking germs right before… Would it stop you? Probably. But it would only be to save face… to keep to social standards. So often we ignore people’s pasts in hopes of becoming part of their future. We want to believe that somehow their germs aren’t going to hurt us and that if we pretend it’s ok it will be. Maybe we’re too scared to know the truth, or maybe we know that if we really knew the dirt on everyone there’d be no one left to date. Maybe it’s ok to have rules, rules to make us feel safe. After all, most of us are the dropped pretzels of the world to other people. 

Maybe we’re all just waiting for the right person to pick us up out of the grimy backgrounds we came from. Find someone who cares enough and isn’t going to throw us away, despite the baggage that comes with us. That’s all anybody wants, isn’t it? 

 

Best and Worst Leading Men

Happy Holidays Everyone!

It took longer than I thought to get my first post out because… my macbook died. 😦 So I lost this post and had to start over and I was super annoyed. But now I have a macbook pro so hopefully things will be fine from now on!

I have to say I’m a little annoyed with people’s neglect of my poll in the last post. 5 people answered it. FIVE. and I know many more than that read it! Also, to the person who suggested I add a “dueling male column” with a male’s opinion- Who are you?! What did you have in mind? Do you volunteer as tribute?! Please comment or something. I beg of you.

But anyway here we go! The Top 5 best and worst male leads on television and film according to me. In no particular order.

(I own none of the following images)

BEST

1. Marshall Erickson on “How I Met Your Mother.”

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He is adorable, funny, caring, and a sweetheart. I refuse to believe that he is a character in a television series and not a real person. He and Lily have fights but they’re also best friends. They HAVE those life ups and downs. They have the kind of relationship I want when I’m married.

Okay, on second thought, actually ANY character Jason Segal plays. I’m in love with the man- he is perfection. The Five Year Engagement? So funny. So… REAL. Life comes with complications and in order to have a good relationship you have to stick it out and give it a little. Pick your battles, give up something of yours to make your significant other happy. Relationships have no room for selfishness.

2. Graham in “the Holiday.”

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Jude Law is the dreamiest englishman I know and in my opinion he is the best in this film. Not only is this one of my most favorite movies of all time, but it has aspects of realism. I’m not really talking about how he and Camaryn Diaz are somehow going to make their love work from LA to England… that’s another story. But he’s a dad. a widower. and he has two english little girls who are the cutest things I’ve ever seen and heard. And he built them a tent with stars and christmas lights. and he is mr. napkin head. and there has never been a more perfect dad to fall in love with. the end.

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3. Matt in “13 going on 30.”

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I have a weird thing for Mark Ruffalo. I don’t really know why. He’s adorkable I think. Kinda weird and awkward but you can’t help but love him. Matt in this movie is great… chubby and awkward and in love with his best friend at age 13 and then BOOM, he’s mark ruffalo. He’s not some jerk guy, he’s Jennifer Garner’s best friend from childhood who has always loved her. and the best part? Even when he admits this to Jen and she starts crying because she loves him too, he ends up marrying his fiance anyway. Because he cares about her and he’s a decent guy. Tears. But it’s actually ok because LUCKILY the dollhouse with magic wishing dust is in his closet so badabingbadaboom, jen is 13 again and kisses 13 year old matt’s braces so that everything is alright and they end up together. cue the awes.

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4. Ben Aflack in “he’s just not that into you.”

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I don’t know why but I’ve always loved this aspect of the movie’s multiple stories. Ben’s character is afraid to commit, which we stereotype most men as being. Jennifer Aniston, his longtime girlfriend wants to get married because they’ve been dating for 10 years or something. Ben says a piece of paper means nothing and they go their seperate ways for a while. While they are apart Jen’s dad suffers a heart attack and jen tries to take care of him and the rest of the family that is visiting for her sister’s wedding. Ben shows up and helps her, holding her and being there to support her. It’s awesome because that is real love.. being there when someone needs it most, even when it’s not the most convenient or the happiest times. There is a difference between a man who clearly loves a woman but is scared of taking the next step and a man like Gerard Butler’s character in the Ugly Truth who suddenly “changes” at the drop of a hat. Ben later ends up proposing to her in a adorable, but not over the top way. I won’t spoil it, but it’s quit lovely and simple.

5. Finally.. Noah in “the notebook.”

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As I’m sure you figured out by the above picture, not Ryan Gosling, but James Garner as Duke/older noah. That is the greatest part of the love story. Not writing her 365 letters, not building her a house, not kissing in the rain. But a couple in love after so many years… and a husband devoted to her wife even though she can’t remember him. That is the deepest caring and love that there can be. Old people are so precious.

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WORST

1. Jack in “Burlesque.”

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I liked the music in this movie… but the majority of the acting and story line were awful. Cam Gigadet, the vampire creep from the Twilight series, plays a guyliner loving dude who works as a bartender at a Burlesque show in NYC. Ali, played by christina aguilera is a tiny, large breasted blond who can sing. Jack immediately begins to fall for her, despite the fact that he has a FIANCE (played by the ever lovely Dianna Agron from Glee) and even lets her move in since she has no where else to go. Here comes to ridiculousness… Stanley Tucci’s character encourages Jack’s crush by saying something about how Ali has a beautiful voice and soul and blah blah blah, even though by my accounts Ali is not a saint or anything, and once again, he’s ENGAGED. Ali sleeps with him once he claims that things are over between him and his fiance. Because clearly it took him all of 5 seconds to get over the woman he wanted to marry. He and Ali sleep together and the next morning Dianna arrives, pissed, because her fiance broke up with her over the phone and then she discovers he just slept with someone else. Ali freaks out because clearly SHE IS NOT AT FAULT AND IS THE ONE HURT THE MOST. Cam runs after her, moaning how sorry he is. Ali cries because life is so hard for her. Cam will not stop until he gets Ali back. Gag me.

LIKE COME ON. In what universe would a guy leave Dianna Agron?

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2. mr. big from “Sex and the City.”

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Where to start with this one. In my opinion Mr. Big is one of the most controversial and overrated television romances of all time. Some people say “oh, he and Carrie were supposed to end up together! It was meant to be!”

I say no. I say this man dated you on and off for ten stinking years, married several other women, cheated on at least one of them with you, and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Yes he’s handsome, charming, and wealthy. BUT WHAT ABOUT AIDEN??? Aiden was adorable, caring, had a really cute dog, his own thriving furniture business, and would never ever hurt her. He even gave her a second chance after she cheated on him with Mr. Big and proposed to her.

Also there’s the baby thing while I’m on this topic. Carrie is really bi-polar about this.

when she’s with aleksandr petrovsky, an older russian artist she FREAKS out because he doesn’t want anymore children. She acts like it is a huge deal to her.

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later she sees Aiden with a baby. Aiden clearly realized Carrie was off her rocker and moved on and found someone stable and had a baby.

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when, in the movies when she’s finally married big (after, mind you, he left her at the alter) they talk about how they’re never going to have kids and it will just be the two of them.

did I miss something?

anyway. The point is ladies, marry the aidens. If you want babies and trust- marry the aidens. If you want excitement and passion- marry the petrovksys. and if you want uncertainty, worry, and heartbreak- marry the Mr. bigs.

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3. Todd in “Easy A.”

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Okay Penn Badgley, you want me to believe that the hot, sculpted man god such as yourself would somehow be an outcast and not have anyone after him and somehow secretly lust after the unpopular (although hilarious) ginger Emma Stone for 8 years because she almost was your first kiss? Please. I love this movie to death but come on.

4. Matthew MaConaughey in “the Wedding Planner.”

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This movie drives me a little nuts. He’s fricken engaged to be married but he meets Jennifer Lopez’s character and suddenly falls in love with her? and then he and his wife are like la-de-da we don’t actually want to get married and then when he goes to find Jennifer who was supposed to be getting married herself because she was going to “settle” because it was the “right thing” it turns out she didn’t even end up doing it because SOMEHOW that man knew she was in love with someone else and sent her away. Everyone ends up happy in the magical world of Jennifer Lopez. BLEH.

Also I just hate Matthew. Sorry. he’s obnoxious to me. He tries to be all “charming” with his accent drawl but it comes across as annoying. His characters are always lady-swooning over the top heros (a pediatrician?! REALLY?).

5. Marius in “Les Mis.”

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What can I say about Marius? I love les mis. And I love marius. But he’s kind of a douche. He’s handsome, smart, politically active, and brave. But he is too stupid to see that poor eponine is in love with him. What is so wrong with eponine I ask you Marius? She’s pretty, funny, caring, and is a really good friend to you. WHY CAN’T YOU LOVE HER? Oh, I see, you want Cossette who is pretty and wealthy and boooooring. I’ve never met anyone as boring as cossette. Plus he claims he is in love after fricken SEEING HER. Clearly it doesn’t matter to you that you broke Eponine’s heart, it doesn’t matter that she gave her life to save you, or that you couldn’t even kiss her as she lay dying in the rain talking about flowers. I can’t even handle you marius. get out of here.

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I just want to feed her. Poor thing.

Teaser

So before I start:

a) redoing the art project I did wrong

b) studying for an exam tomorrow

c) typing up the summary of the guest lecture I had to go to tonight

d) crying

I wanted to post an update, because yes, I realize I haven’t posted all freakin’ semester. I wanted to, I really did. In fact, I have about 5 or 6 half written posts saved on my desktop because I would start one and then think it wasn’t good enough or not have time to finish it. This semester I haven’t really had time to do the things that I love and help de-stress me like:

a) blogging

b) running/exercising

c) reading for fun

because I’ve been too busy working (I got a job working with infants at a development center. I love it- LOVE it. I love babies), going to class, doing homework, trying to graduate in the spring, pretending the amount of sleep I get is enough, consuming mass quantities of caffeine, seeing my boyfriend, joining a club, and job hunting for the days when I finally can hold that sweet sweet diploma.

Seeing as I (finally) only have a few weeks left of my fall semester, I thought I’d actually post and let you guys know the dealio. Over christmas break I plan on having spare time (YAY) because I recently quit my summer job that was supposed to carry on as seasonal  because I knew I would hate it, and I thought I deserved one last break before I have to become an adult. Here are some things you can look forward too:

a) a list of the top 5 and worst 5 leading men in rom coms

b) why Mr. Big was Mr. Big Mistake (remember when I said I was going to do that? yeah.)

c) The 10 second rule of love

d) The moment you knew he was the “one”

e) and more that I have yet to come up with.

So, in conclusion, (remember in middle school when the teachers would lecture us about not starting our conclusion with “In conclusion”? I always thought that was crap. They were all “I KNOW it’s your conclusion, you don’t need to say it”and I was all “YOU’RE REQUIRING A CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH, LET ME START IT HOW I WANT.”)

I just realized you can create polls on wordpress… so that’s kinda cool. Please vote to help me improve in the future. 🙂

Anyway, I’m sorry this was boring and merely informative. I send you all my virtual love. Here’s a link to a hilarious live tweet of a random couple breaking up. Most/some of you have probably already seen it.. but I thought it was funny and it brightened my day!

cheers!

the eternal check list

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Then: senior picture in high school     Now: confident senior in college. sort of.                                                         

Today I had my graduation check, which is when you make sure you have all your classes completed or currently enrolled in in order to graduate. As I sat there watching my advisor check off all the little boxes I couldn’t help but remember when it had seemed nearly impossible. My freshman year each major had seemed like it required much more than four years of classes- there were just so many requirements to graduate. Now 3 years and 96 credits later I am so much closer. 

It made me think about all the other things in life we feel we need to get checked off. boyfriend, check. bachelor’s degree, check. job I like, check. 

So often we are trying to cross off all the boxes in life, but the harsh reality is, if we wait until all our boxes are checked our lives may never begin. The qualifications and goals don’t go away after we complete them, they just change. They are never ending, and a part of us is always striving for them, worried that if we don’t  check them off we’ll end up alone living with a ton of cats and a job we hate. have a relationship- check. Then get engaged- check. Then get married- check. Have kids- check, check, check. 

There is no easy formula to happiness, and no one’s list of life goals is the same. Some of us want to be CEO’s of big modern-day up & coming companies, while others want to help orphan’s in another country. Neither is more important than the other, because they both need to be done. Not everyone has what it takes to be a CEO, and not everyone has the strength to help those less fortunate. Everyone must find their own passion, their purpose, and their “graduation pathway.” 

Imagine you are 25, happily married, with 2 kids, a house, and your dream job that also pays well. The ideal perfection of the American dream. 

“I’d feel pretty darn awesome,” You’d say, thinking how cool it would be if you had your life figured out that early. 

But besides being pretty much impossible, you’d still want more. Our complicated brains constantly come up with new goals for us, and just because we complete them doesn’t mean we’ll stop there. Completing something doesn’t necessarily mean lifelong happiness and satisfaction, because it’s not the end of your journey. It’s just the start of a new checklist. We are never “done,” We create dreams and goals for ourselves because if we didn’t our lives would be boring. Have you ever felt that loss of purpose? After completing something that consumed so much of your time you wondered, “what now?” ….So you start another project. We’re always wanting more… more money, more time, more dates, when will it be enough? We have to stop being greedy, and find a happy medium. Be thankful for what you have, who you are at this point in your life, and all that you have achieved. But never stop reaching for your dreams. 

When you cross off all your boxes, make new ones. When the qualifications and boxes seem as if they are impossible- keep trying. At the start of a journey it can seem as if the way there will take forever.. but then you blink, and you’re 21, in a committed relationship, and graduating from college in the spring.

check.

check. 

check. 

Don’t care how, I want it noooooow

Our generation is addicted to “fast.” We crave it, we initiative it, and we keep it going. Without speed, many things in our lives would indeed change, but it shouldn’t bother us as much as it would. Jimmy john’s delivers freaky fast, internet is “high speed,” and you can even say “I love you” after a few weeks. Why are we so caught up in doing everything as fast as possible? Are we afraid of what might happen if we slow down? 

Is it because, deep down, we’re all afraid of time?

Americans are living longer and the average lifespan is getting older- modern medicine has advanced drastically, and technology increases every day. We have so much more time than our ancestors and yet we insist on cramming as much into it as possible. We drive instead of walk, eat at fast food restaurants, and put on makeup, drink coffee, and talk on the phone while answering e-mails. While we no longer rush to get down the aisle everything between is pressurized. Moving in, physical relationships, and calling them our “boyfriends” are things that the modern women leaps into faster than our Grandmothers did, but with no sure prospect of marriage. We rush our feelings, then second guess ourselves if we don’t think we’re feeling “right.” We are fast to break up with a guy if he doesn’t completely match our expectations because we fear the time, work, and effort that a real relationship entails. So, instead, we move from man to man, moving so fast as if to guard our hearts, and our fast paced lives. 

I just got back from spending a week up north for my annual vacation with my family. I did something I hadn’t done in a while- I stopped. I read a book, ran, and lay out by the water and simply watched the clouds. I just… existed. After I got over the initial shock and panic of not having an immediate project to tackle, I liked it. My thoughts settled, my mind cleared, and I remembered what it was like to be still. To appreciate nature. I think if more people did this more often the world be a more peaceful place. 

Have modern day young adults lost their sense of peace? Have we sacrificed it in exchange for the “fast”? Our generation has grown up with the creation of the internet, ipods, and touch screens and it’s no secret that we’re very different from generations before us. I can’t help but wonder- why can’t we wait? Why must everything be right now? We know making a home cooked meal is better for us than that processed stuff that comes ready made… But we aren’t willing to put the effort in, even if it is worth it. 

Which brings to me pose this question: When it comes to young love, are we settling for the pop-tarts of relationships? 

love should come with a road map & relationships with a travel guide

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The other day I made T a friendship bracelet. I’d made him a similar one at work last summer and he wore it until it broke. As I sat there tying the little blue and green strings into knots I couldn’t help but remember when I’d made one for a different boy. Remembering how naive and hopeful I’d been, so inexperienced when it came to dating. I remember I’d made it his favorite color and he’d “forgotten” it in my basement. That should’ve been a sign. Especially when I ran out to his car to give it to him and he just shrugged and gave me a look. At the time I hadn’t thought twice about that moment, but now it lives in my memory as a missed indicator that something was wrong.

I couldn’t help but wonder… do we accept and ignore things in our dating relationships that we would never put up with in our platonic friendships? Do we push little tell-tale signs aside because we have a crush? And is that really good for us? What about our intuition, our gut, our instincts… where do those go? There’s times when a girl really needs a little red blinking sign in her head that says something like “danger, entering rocky relationship ahead” or “caution. sketchy dude.” When you are in deep infatuation with a person, those little signals all seem to hit the high road. But why? Isn’t that when we need it most? It isn’t until we’re flat on our butts with the air knocked out of us that we realize we’ve missed all the signs. Is it part of the experience of having a crush… or do we do it to ourselves? If it’s inevitable that your crush is going to crush you, is it possible that we don’t really want to know?

It may be true that things aren’t always so black and white. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what the problem is, because the problem isn’t visible. And perhaps there doesn’t appear to be one to an outsider, but you know it’s there. Throughout my life there’s been times when I’ve been seeing a guy or talking to a guy and all of a sudden something changes and I can’t shake the feeling that somehow we’ve reached a fork in the road and he went one way and I went another and we can’t go back. But this often occurred when there wasn’t even a relationship to break in the first place: When there was never really anything to begin with, it’s even easier to fall apart. It got me thinking that maybe in these scenarios you and your crush aren’t even compatible at all… Just two people wanting so desperately to find love, companionship, and someone to hold their hand, that we try so hard to fall for the wrong person. I could dream up an ideal world in my head where so many of the men I’ve liked became the perfect boyfriends and we always had stuff to talk about and went on all these fun dates… but in reality, it simply never happened. Even if the guy hadn’t done anything “wrong…”  he hadn’t necessarily done anything “right” either. Sometimes nothing’s wrong, but everything is.

Sometimes our warning signals and wariness finally come out only when we meet a nice guy- as if we don’t believe he could actually be nice, and that somewhere lurking deep down, he’s hoping to make us cry. I was like that with T. After so many years of pining after the bad boys that broke my heart and the too nice guys (you can read my thoughts on too nice guys here) that I had lukewarm feelings for, I had finally met a guy who was the complete package. So what did I do? completely and utterly panicked. Naturally.

If we had met at 15 it would have been a completely different story. All it would’ve taken was a meeting of eyes across a crowded room. But I wasn’t 15 anymore. I carried years of distrust- and finally there it was. My wariness that someone might hurt me. Coming out at the completely wrong time. It was only after I took some time to myself one day to think of all that he had done, all that he was, and all that I knew he could never be that I realized BAM, I had somehow gone through the dating trenches and ended up with a really great guy. How did I do it? I have no effing idea. But that’s the thing that keeps us going, isn’t it? What keeps us believing the lies and the bullshit- we’re hoping against all else, that he’s the one.

One is silver and the other’s gold?

It’s sweet summer summertime!

or spring. whatever floats your boat…

As for me, I have finished my finals, moved back home, and started my internship- today I held lots of babies. In the world of Kailey, this is a wonderful wonderful thing.

What I want to talk about today is friendship: How people come and go in your life. There are the obvious times- graduating high school or college. When you look around and you know you’ll never see some of those people again. That sounds horrible, and you don’t want to admit it to yourselves, or each other… But you don’t know the future. It’s weird to me to think that I might never actually see again, in person, one of my past best friends or crush or family friends who moved away. I always seem to run into the people I don’t want to see- never the ones I do. Maybe that means something. Maybe I should put in the effort. Either way, I know it probably won’t happen. Does that make me sound like a horrible person for saying that? Maybe. But you can’t admit that you haven’t done the same to someone, at some point in your life. 

The other night I had a dream about someone who I haven’t seen in a while. Someone who quickly became one of my best friends my freshman year of college. She and I shared the same major, and lived in the same hall. She was more tom-boyish than me, but I always felt safe with her. Like I fit in. After a fall out with my roommate and other best friends, we grew even closer, and there wasn’t a day where I didn’t think she was going to be my maid of honor someday.

…Or so I thought. She was from out of state and returned there in the summer. I missed her like crazy but we texted a lot and I thought things would go back to normal the next year. Sadly, I returned to find things a little different than I expected. I had a new boyfriend and had changed my major, while she moved in with a new girl she became fast friends with and moved further into the cliques of my former major. I suddenly felt left out whenever I was with her, like I was missing some private joke. She became less and less available and as I lived in another hall as her it became harder to see her. As the year drew on I joined a sorority, and when I told her of my decision (it was a rather rash one at the time) she barely reacted and I knew I had lost her. It was incredibly sad whenever I saw her that year… She would barely say hi to me, and when we finally did meet for lunch she acted distant, barely talking to me about what had happened in the months/weeks we had been apart. I never really did figure out why she cut me out of her circle, but I guess looking back on it now I realize some of it was me, growing away on my own. I was no longer the single girl theatre major I once was. I was a sorority girl with a boyfriend, and whether I liked it or not I was different. That doesn’t mean it hurt any less though. 

The truth is, we always keep moving forward, with or without the people we thought would be along with us for the ride. It’s hard sometimes, without these people, because we were counting on them. Because originally we believed they would be there for us. But we have to realize that you still can do the things you wanted to do. You can still complete your goals, and take the steps to becoming the future you. You just do it in a slightly different way. And despite what anyone tells you, if those people bailed, they weren’t good travel partners anyway. 

You’ve just got to count your blessings, realize who really matters to you, and move on. Life is too short to hold a grudge, or a regret. 

 

 

(p.s. If you didn’t get the title reference, it’s from an old girl scout song about friendship. haha)

An Update on the Romantic Happenings of Yours Truly

Today I took two exams. One was at 7:45 in the morning. Whoever thought that exams that early were a good idea is a terrible terrible person.

Then I lay in my dormer bed and watched “Bachelorette.” It’s like Bridesmaids, but with Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, and Rebel Wilson (you know.. pitch perfect, and also …. Bridesmaids. Weird.)

Also everyone was much meaner. Like a lot.

It’s on netflix, in case you were wondering.

Ok, so on to more important things.

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This post is all about my friend Aliza.

Ok, it’s not. Sorry Aliza… You’re adorable, I love you. Here’s your official shout out. 😉

Ready for the real news?

T and I are back together!

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I know, I know, you probably saw it coming, were rooting for us, or something like that. Or maybe you’re just like uhhhhh whatever I’m just reading this while waiting for my nails to dry and eating nutella so I didn’t see this coming but I don’t really care.

And that’s fine too.

I’m really sorry this has turned into a blog about my life and the daily happenings. I didn’t really mean for that to happen. I guess I just realized that little nuggets of wisdom don’t always come to me on the fly, and when T and I were broken up it was really hard for me to preach about relationships too much. You know what I mean?

So if you’re looking to hear how it happened- long story short: we love each other, life without each other sucked, I’m a hot mess (as you probably already know), and things finally started turning around. I kind of had a quarter life crisis, I’m 21 now so I’m allowed.

..sidenote- these two girls behind me in class last week were complaining about how they were getting “so old” because one of them was turning 19. uhhhh heyyy uhhhhh.. you’re still a teenager.

back to the story.

Truth is, we’ve been talking for a while now and then I finally put on my big girl pants and asked him to be my boyfriend again about a week ago. Lucky for me, he said yes. 🙂 and he’s been bugging me to blog about it…. last night he was all “kailey, we’re going to be 85 years old and you’re going to be like ‘hey blogggers, I know I haven’t posted in 64 years but T and I are back together!!! but it’s a bittersweet day because he died yesterday.”

Okay T, way to be dramatic. And depressing. Besides, by the time we’re that old I’m sure there will be miracle drugs and people living to 120 so it probably won’t even be an issue.

So here it is. And he’s still young.. turning 21 tonight! I’m a cougar, don’t know if I mentioned that before. Always go for the youngins’

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Fine, fine, he’s only 22 days younger than me.

(thought: Why is the gender-age thing so important? Why do so many girls only want to date guys older than them? They intimidate me. I know guys are supposed to be more immature than girls and blah blah blah. Whatever. It’s all how you pick them. Ladies, would you ever date someone younger than you? And to the men, would you date an older girl? How old is too old? Thoughts people. Deep thoughts.)

My best wishes to all of you college students who are taking/have taken/are about to start your finals! Summer is starting soon so I promise I will be posting some good relationship stuff again that can actually help you. hopefully.

Until then, lots of love!

The end of the year

Sometimes life gets away from you. The world spinning by you so fast you don’t even realize it’s happening. Then one day you wake up and time has passed- You’ve changed. A part of your life is over now. There’s something about endings.. Sometimes it may be relief or a celebration that you made it, but other times you may be overwhelmed with grief. To me, endings are almost always a mix of both: laced with bittersweetness. I’m someone who doesn’t like change, so I usually just ignore that the change is happening until it’s upon me. Often, I fight it. In high school I didn’t want to think about college… I didn’t want to entertain the idea that in a few months I would be moving away from my hometown, the house I’ve lived my whole life, the friends that I had grown to know so well, and everything that was good and comfortable to me. Then suddenly, the night before my last day of high school, it hit me. I would never perform on that stage again, I would never sing in that choir room again… I would never again be a high school student. On the one hand it was extremely liberating, on the other, it was terrifying. The process of adjusting to living away from home and going to college was a slow one. But I eventually found my niche, met great friends, and figured it out. 

But you see, I still had 4 years left. 4 years of safety… in which my parents would provide for me, I would be surrounded by my peers, and have no major responsibilities like paying a mortgage. The thing is… that is so much closer now. Yes, I have a year left… But I know that year will fly by me. As my junior year draws to a close, there are so many things that I realize will be my last time, or that I only have so many times left. I realize that once again, I am approaching a change. I have grown close to so many seniors who are graduating and going on to grad school or to start their lives. My best friend from middle school is getting MARRIED. So many changes and opportunities are in my future. Okay, not my near near future, but closer than they were before. There’s so many things I want to do with my life: live in a city, live in the south, travel, grow, love, learn, teach, have my own apartment and practice my decorating skills, get married and plan my own wedding, have kids, make mistakes, make them again, paint, find some way to help struggling or needy children, make a difference, get a puppy, have a weekly sunday brunch with my girl friends, drink classy wine, spend a lot of summers by lake michigan, and so much more…. 

A part of me is sad to leave this new comfort behind. Even next year will bring changes.. for one, I will finally (FINALLY) have my own room at school and will be living in my first apartment. I can’t wait to eat burnt food and to paint one of my walls. And before I know it.. Boom. I will be graduating. Spinning out into the great beyond with no idea where I’ll end up. This makes me really nervous. I’m the kind of person who likes to know exactly where her life will be, what she’ll be doing, and where she’ll be living. 

How much time do we have, really? Life moves so fast- it doesn’t stop or slow down for you just because you realized that you don’t want to leave the place you’re at. 

I end this note with a shout out to all the seniors who transitioned into alumni status in my sorority today. You have brought so much to this chapter and are leaving behind a great legacy. I hope that wherever life leads you next you find great happiness and joy. ❤

“Settling” Vs. Being Realistic

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‘Tis the season of break ups. Am I right? I don’t know about you, but everyone in my sorority and friend circle has been breaking up with their boyfriends. EVERYBODY. everybody. EVEEEERYYYYBODDYYYY.

okay. Maybe not everybody.

but a lot of people.

What is it about spring that makes people end their relationships? Is it the yearning for something new? Tired of the old? Do we throw out our old boyfriends like we do the dust on our rugs in spring cleaning? 

Do we just get restless?

I have been researching relationships of the modern woman and how things have changed from decades past. Our grandmother’s never had the same things we do- facebook to be “in a relationship with,” twitter to stalk our boyfriends, skype for when we are apart, and iphones to text every second of our lives. While many of us can’t imagine life or a relationship without these things- it obviously can be and once was done. What would it be like to not be in constant contact with our significant others? Would it drive us apart? Or make every time we were together more exciting?

Another thing our grandmothers didn’t have were these ridiculous, out of control, over the top EXPECTATIONS. We don’t even realize that we do it sometimes, but we do. 

Women before us needed to marry to be financially provided for, and to have a family. Today, a woman can be a top CEO, and can get in vitro fertilization. We no longer need a man…. but we still want one. We want someone to be our companion, to cuddle with every night, to tell us that we’re pretty, and to walk down the aisle with… even if just for the sake of walking down the aisle. We want the perfect man. We want someone who will match a long long long LONG list of requirements: “he must be over 6 foot tall, he has to like golden retrievers, he must be smart but not nerdy, he must dress well, have a good family, and want to live where I want to live.” We make these formulas in our head of these unrealistic men that we. will. never. find. You know you’re not perfect, so how do you expect to find a man that is? 

Everyone has flaws. You may not be able to wear heels around him, but he wants to take care of you and you share the same love of hiking. You need to learn to accept that no one, NO ONE on this green earth will be 100% what you want… the best people will be pretty darn close, but if you screw it up looking for someone that’s all the way there, it’s your loss. We’re the ones who mess it up- we let perfectly good (or even great) men out of our lives because we think someone better will come along, or he wasn’t the elusive “one,” or he cracked his knuckles and it drove you nuts. Well you know what? You will find a guy that doesn’t crack his knuckles, but maybe he snores and is a different religion than you. 

We’ve got to stop being so darn picky. Magazines tell us we’re too good, and that we deserve the best. But are we taking it too far? Have we such warped idealistic images of ourselves that we think we’re too good for anyone but orlando bloom? News flash: he has a baby with a fricken super model. 1) I’m sure he has his flaws. 2) Are you a super model? I think not. We often forget, in our search for a man that fulfills all of our standards, that we may not be filling all of theirs. Maybe they wish you were shorter, or hadn’t dated 5 million guys, or that you really like mexican food like he does. We all have to come down off our high horses when it comes to modern relationships. Men, from what I’ve read, are less guilty- if guilty at all, of doing this. They accept all of our crazy quirks because they love us. But us women? We pick them apart and skip away looking for the next “Mr. Perfect” to come along so we can dissect their personalities in search of flaw. Love is love. You have to love someone for all that they are and all that they are not. It’s about accepting that person fully and realizing that the “perfect match” you wrote up on paper will, in fact, never leave the paper. If you’re reading this and say “hey, my guy (or girl) is everything I want…” Then congratulations- this means you have escaped this and pulled ahead of the curve. Because believe me- there’s things about them that weren’t originally part of your list (if you’re one of the “list women”) but you fell in love with them anyway. And so, they became your ideal. Flaws and all. It’s about finding someone with enough of the good stuff- enough of the stuff that matters, that it balances out or overwhelms the bad. I read in “Marry Him- The Case of Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb (read it, I recommend it. She’s not a psychologist, she’s a journalist. And her opinions are really interesting.. Don’t let the title fool you and do not judge it.. you have to read it to understand. She’s like an awesome jewish single mom Carrie Bradshaw.) that we should look for 80% of the things we want in a man. Forget about the 100%- it’s only going to make you lonely, sad, and full of regret when you wake up one day middle aged and all the good men your age are married or dating 25 year olds. 

Also, something else to throw out there- never ever ever ever let yourself be with a drug addict, alcoholic, or sexually/physically/mentally abusive partner. That is NOT settling. That is NOT being realistic. Those are things that will effect your partner, you, any children you have, and your relationship. It’s not worth it. Please walk away.

Okay? Okay. 

Cheers lovelies, hope you have a wonderful rest of your week!

hey, where’d you go?

helllooooo my lovely readers, fellow bloggers, and people of the earth.

First of all. Those of you who use wordpress know that you can see the “stats,” or how many people view your blog (it tells you how many, what pages they viewed, and what country they’re from- not who they are, don’t worry). I think this is really cool because I love to see that people from 19 different countries have viewed my blog! Then I did a little exploring down farther and saw the search terms that people used that caused them to find my blog. It was a bunch of really odd stuff, to tell you the truth. Here’s some of my favorites: “young actresses with bushy hair,” “girl who looks smart and has braces and glasses,” “preteen sex” (um. WHAT.), and “hey girl study.”

………..I dont even know. There was a lot more that actually made sense. But some of them were just.. weird. Either way, whoever you are, and however you got here. Welcome. 🙂

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything… like a week and a half! And I miss it. I’ve been insanely busy with exams and summer job searching. Anyone know of a restaurant/retail store that is willing to hire someone who can only work seasonal? Because I sure don’t. And believe me… 30 something unanswered applications don’t lie.

well I GOT an interview, only to have them call me an hour before to cancel because they decided that my returning to college in the fall actually bothered them and they didn’t want me. Seriously, sometimes I wish I went to a college near home. It’d be so much easier.

Also it’s greek week at my school- which, for those of you who don’t know, means a week of competitions and speakers and fundraising. I made it on our less professional dance team because I have experience from high school musicals and I love partner dancing. It’s been really fun, but it’s also really time consuming.

So anyway, I’ll stop whining now. Sorry.

Another reason I haven’t posted is that I haven’t had any good ideas to write about lately, which depresses me. Buuuuuuut, I thought a little today about doing a piece on “settling” vs. being realistic and how women today are too entitled when it comes to relationships, so after this craziness is over expect to see something of that sort coming your way.

Just wanted to give an update and wish you guys a happy april fools day! I hope no one tricked you too badly (shout out to my roomie K, who totally got me last night, and in a really obvious way. ..I’m a dummy.)

Does Order of Birth Affect your Dating Life?

The other night I got to thinking about relationships- Something I obviously do a lot. But I realized important conclusions could be drawn from my experiences. Every single boy I have ever been interested in has been a younger child. 90% were the youngest child. I am the oldest. I have NEVER had a romantic interest in another first child. Come to think of it, I can’t even think of any guy FRIENDS I have that are the oldest. I thought of the relationships my friends have been in and the outcome was usually the same. Oldest children and youngest children tend to be attracted to each other. Why is this? Are we attracted to the people who are like the ones we grew up with? As disturbing as this sounds, I think there may be some truth in it.

Some of our closest, or at least longest, relationships are with our siblings. They are usually one of our first relationships with someone close(ish) to our age. We learned to share (or not) with them, how to resolve conflict, and tried our best to accept them for who they are- weird quirks and all. This sounds like things you have to do in a romantic relationship to me, and I think this especially effects us if they are of opposite gender. It is our first interaction with the opposite sex who is not a parent, and therefore usually closer to our age and stage. What does it mean then, if you are a girl and have all sisters? Or a boy and have all brothers? Does this affect your ability to interact with the opposing gender? Are you at a disadvantage to the rest of us? Are you more likely to experience dating anxiety or have all friends of the same sex? What about only children? Even though my brother and I weren’t and still aren’t particularly close, growing up with him gave me a little insight to the male brain. I think I would’ve been even more scared of boys if my only close relationship had been with my father. But that’s just me. And I’m weird.

For those of us who have siblings, we’ve grown up being the oldest, youngest, or middle child, and with that comes certain roles that we have grown to accept or follow. Is it possible that we choose our mates based on compatibility because of order of birth? I think it’s very possible, but maybe not for everyone. I’m sure there’s many of you that are dating someone the same birth order as you or know someone who is. 

From what I know of order of birth qualities I think middle children are the best at solving conflict and communicating because they’ve had to bridge the gap and solve the fights between their older and younger siblings. They are the mediators and are able to go with the flow and can pretty much date anyone. There are many stereotypes for being the oldest child or the youngest child and I know many people that carry that stereotype through (myself, included). Not everyone acts that way, so don’t get upset with me trying to prove that you don’t, but I know so many who do. And it’s not always a bad thing. The oldest child, while sometimes bossy and stubborn, are also hardworking and responsible. The youngest child, while at times expect to be babied by all around them and overly dependent, can be very driven and competitive and therefore can achieve much.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, maybe we balance each other out. Maybe we date people of opposing or different “order of births” because they play different roles in a family than we do and we need that to function properly. I think that if I ever dated another oldest child we would kill each other. We would both need to be “right” all the time. I have a few girl friends who are oldest child as well and I feel we sometimes compete with each other or don’t see eye to eye simply because we are very similar. 

Basically, if you possess strong characteristics or traits, you need to find someone who will balance those out, regardless of their birth order. 

I just like to play with the idea that it factors into your partner finding process. It’s kind of an interesting idea though, don’t you think?

 

Listen up Ladies!

So, several weeks later… I finally have the guy list compiled. What I have learned in that process is that I know much fewer men who I feel comfortable asking to answer something for my blog than I do women. But nonetheless, I really enjoyed reading their answers and I thought some of them were funny.

so here we go. we go in the car.

(Jenna marbles reference. anyone? ..anyone? Bueler?)


What is something that attracts you to a girl?

1) I like a girl with a good sense of humor. When she has the same interests as me. Great personality.

2) When the girl makes an effort to do things that I like. She is willing to try and do new things. confidence, that’s definitely an attractive trait. She’s gotta be sure of herself.

3) If we have enough in common and she makes me laugh or laughs at my jokes. I like a girl that has fun in any scenario.

4) willingness to play video games puts you over the top. Makes you look cool right away and there aren’t many girls like you. You cant go wrong with that. Obviously you’ve got to look good but guys have different tastes. Act like you care about the guy, but don’t be too available. Mind games work but don’t drag it on (at least they work on me).

5) when a girl is passionate, has a good sense of humor, and has some extravert qualities. Also from a physical standpoint, a pretty face puts the icing on the cake.

6) if we share similar taste in music.

7) a girl who can really connect to me on a personal level.

8) Being realistic and ‘down to earth’

9) Be open and approachable, not assuming the worse in a person and being willing to talk or even making the first move and/or initial contact (huge points for that)

10) Her presence in the room (her confidence, her body language, how she presents herself). I love a girl with a strong personality, probably because I’m so mellow. Physically attractive and good smile.

11) physical attributes, positive attitude, good sense of humor, enjoys sports (plays or watches), cooks good food (breakfast) and she likes blogging. (hah. I see what you did there………)


What is a thing that girls do that turn you off immediately?

1) immediate turn off is when girls are too stuck up or act fake. We don’t want to waste our time on girls who think they’re too good for you.

2) over protectiveness. My time matters to me. I should be able to spend it with friends, with my gf, or alone, and she should be okay with that

3) there is nothing worse than being fake.

4) You can’t bounce around flirting with every guy. Choose 1 and work on that. Guys don’t like girls who just go up to them and make out with them (no long term).

5) Worst thing for me is someone who smokes cigs, it just straight up bothers me. Also if they are superficial, count me out!

6) Don’t lead us on, I like the chase of a new relationship but there is a limit to it.

7) When a girl lies a lot.

8) When a girl acts stuck up.

9) Being overly cocky, thinking too much of themselves

10) Being judgmental, and assuming that they know what is the right vs. wrong

11) Dishonesty is a huge turnoff, and I honestly hate hate hate it when girls talk about their celeb crushes. I know guys do it too and I think that’s fine (which I realize is a double standard), but guys generally don’t advertise it in front of the girl they like. Girls will just tell their boyfriend how hot so and so is all day long…and it makes us feel really inferior and inadequate.

12) negative attitude, full of herself, she likes the Blackhawks

Hope everyone had a good st. patrick’s day! My best friend is going to Ireland in 3 days… ahh!

If you’re interested, you can read her story here: http://bradstr33tgal.wordpress.com/

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The One that Got Away

When I was 15 years old, I looked across the room and made eye contact with the first boy who, for reasons I still cannot fully understand, I fell head over heels for. At 15, I was so new to the world of love and dating- yet to hold any preconceived notions or expect anything. 

He wasn’t exactly available, however, and as you could guess I ended up heartbroken. But the story doesn’t end there, because despite the intuition that should have been there telling me to run, I couldn’t stay away. The next two years were a back and forth tango in which one of us would ultimately do something to mess everything up and we’d start all over. Never actually in a relationship- just balancing on the edge of one. It was horrible, yet wonderful at times… a train wreck of a way to relate to another person. My senior year things came to a head somewhere in the spring- when I began to realize that things between us would never happen.

He came to my house the day of my graduation to pick up some extra tickets that I had. He drove up in his pickup truck and I walked out to meet him barefoot, blinking in the sunshine and muggy heat in my white graduation dress. I felt something in that moment- an ending. So much time I had spent wanting him, and here I was- leaving. We were finally going our separate ways, and things between us would really be over… forever. The reality of it crashed over me as I watched him drive away, part of me screaming at him to come back and the other part hushing her.

We are all a little fragile. Scared of the big wide world and the people in it that could hurt us. Often, we have reason to be afraid. But sometimes things like that can make you feel alive. Make you willing to fight for something, and learn when it’s the right time to pull out. Sometimes you’ll be too late and walk away with a few battle scars. I don’t doubt that there will always be a small piece of my heart that’s a little damaged. Once in a blue moon, a part of me feels so heartbreakingly sad about all that time and all those emotions that went no where and I feel as if I could fall apart at any second. But it’s supposed to be like that, isn’t it? We never quite forget out first loves.

Life moves forward. People grow up and change. You can never get those first feelings of stomach twisting, hand sweating, heart throbbing, puppy love back. 

We’re often taught to forget, scorn, and hate the people that first broke our hearts… But I’m not sure if that’s entirely healthy, because being bitter isn’t going to get you anywhere. You just have to move on, and grow, and learn to somehow see it all in a positive light. So I guess I’m hoping that if I throw all this out there into the great ocean of the world I’ll finally be free and get the peace that I was always searching for. 

I’m never going to forget the boy with blue grey eyes that first stole my heart, and a part of me hopes he never forgets me either. He is the reason I am a stickler for grammar, love family guy, and stick up for my beliefs. He taught me lessons, and if I had never met him I wouldn’t be where or who I am today. And for that… I am grateful indeed

Why Men are like Bagels

Soooo I wrote this my freshman year of college because I was crushing on a guy I couldn’t get and because at the time I had really different tastes (hah. bagels.) in men then most of my friends. I thought I was so funny and clever.

I’m as picky about men as I am about my bagels. I like my bagels in a very particular fashion. They must be cut in a way that allows the top half to be thinner than the bottom half. Stupid, maybe. Necessary, definitely. If my bagel is not cut in this particular practice I simply can’t eat it. I like eating the top layer first and enjoying the taste of the butter or cream cheese and the chewiness of it. You could compare this to my initial attraction to someone. Their “topmost layer.” Their looks are what first draws my attention, and as shallow as this is, it is the truth for pretty much all of us. Humans are naturally drawn to people who look healthy, and who they are genetically programed to reproduce healthy children with (Yes, that’s real. I learned about it in science class. So the next time you’re turning someone down just say “I’m sorry, it’s not you, but it’s not me either. It’s our chromosomes. They just don’t get along.”).

I myself, am particularly finicky about the type of boy I find attractive. My friends relentlessly tease me for my unique and overly choosy taste. I don’t know why my preferences are so choosy… they just are. After I am satisfied with the top layer I move on to the bottom, thicker layer of the bagel and enjoy its richness and the taste of the bread. Once I have established that I am attracted to someone there can still be no further advances until I understand their “bottom layer” or soul. Because no matter how attractive someone is, if we are not compatible personality wise it all ends there.

Yes, I am a freak, being so particular about the way I eat my breakfast carb of choice. And yes, I am incredibly choosy about the type of guy I find attractive. Maybe this is why I have spent my entire life perpetually single. Maybe this is why the bagels in the cafeteria annoy me when they are cut perfectly in half. But you know what? Despite my shortage of potential love interests in my life; men, men who are so inconsistent, unpredictable, and prone to giving me heart ache, will come and go. But I can always eat a bagel.

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…What?

You don’t think men are like bagels?

What did you think they were like? Waffles?