Sometimes life gets away from you. The world spinning by you so fast you don’t even realize it’s happening. Then one day you wake up and time has passed- You’ve changed. A part of your life is over now. There’s something about endings.. Sometimes it may be relief or a celebration that you made it, but other times you may be overwhelmed with grief. To me, endings are almost always a mix of both: laced with bittersweetness. I’m someone who doesn’t like change, so I usually just ignore that the change is happening until it’s upon me. Often, I fight it. In high school I didn’t want to think about college… I didn’t want to entertain the idea that in a few months I would be moving away from my hometown, the house I’ve lived my whole life, the friends that I had grown to know so well, and everything that was good and comfortable to me. Then suddenly, the night before my last day of high school, it hit me. I would never perform on that stage again, I would never sing in that choir room again… I would never again be a high school student. On the one hand it was extremely liberating, on the other, it was terrifying. The process of adjusting to living away from home and going to college was a slow one. But I eventually found my niche, met great friends, and figured it out.
But you see, I still had 4 years left. 4 years of safety… in which my parents would provide for me, I would be surrounded by my peers, and have no major responsibilities like paying a mortgage. The thing is… that is so much closer now. Yes, I have a year left… But I know that year will fly by me. As my junior year draws to a close, there are so many things that I realize will be my last time, or that I only have so many times left. I realize that once again, I am approaching a change. I have grown close to so many seniors who are graduating and going on to grad school or to start their lives. My best friend from middle school is getting MARRIED. So many changes and opportunities are in my future. Okay, not my near near future, but closer than they were before. There’s so many things I want to do with my life: live in a city, live in the south, travel, grow, love, learn, teach, have my own apartment and practice my decorating skills, get married and plan my own wedding, have kids, make mistakes, make them again, paint, find some way to help struggling or needy children, make a difference, get a puppy, have a weekly sunday brunch with my girl friends, drink classy wine, spend a lot of summers by lake michigan, and so much more….
A part of me is sad to leave this new comfort behind. Even next year will bring changes.. for one, I will finally (FINALLY) have my own room at school and will be living in my first apartment. I can’t wait to eat burnt food and to paint one of my walls. And before I know it.. Boom. I will be graduating. Spinning out into the great beyond with no idea where I’ll end up. This makes me really nervous. I’m the kind of person who likes to know exactly where her life will be, what she’ll be doing, and where she’ll be living.
How much time do we have, really? Life moves so fast- it doesn’t stop or slow down for you just because you realized that you don’t want to leave the place you’re at.
I end this note with a shout out to all the seniors who transitioned into alumni status in my sorority today. You have brought so much to this chapter and are leaving behind a great legacy. I hope that wherever life leads you next you find great happiness and joy. ❤