The other night I got to thinking about relationships- Something I obviously do a lot. But I realized important conclusions could be drawn from my experiences. Every single boy I have ever been interested in has been a younger child. 90% were the youngest child. I am the oldest. I have NEVER had a romantic interest in another first child. Come to think of it, I can’t even think of any guy FRIENDS I have that are the oldest. I thought of the relationships my friends have been in and the outcome was usually the same. Oldest children and youngest children tend to be attracted to each other. Why is this? Are we attracted to the people who are like the ones we grew up with? As disturbing as this sounds, I think there may be some truth in it.
Some of our closest, or at least longest, relationships are with our siblings. They are usually one of our first relationships with someone close(ish) to our age. We learned to share (or not) with them, how to resolve conflict, and tried our best to accept them for who they are- weird quirks and all. This sounds like things you have to do in a romantic relationship to me, and I think this especially effects us if they are of opposite gender. It is our first interaction with the opposite sex who is not a parent, and therefore usually closer to our age and stage. What does it mean then, if you are a girl and have all sisters? Or a boy and have all brothers? Does this affect your ability to interact with the opposing gender? Are you at a disadvantage to the rest of us? Are you more likely to experience dating anxiety or have all friends of the same sex? What about only children? Even though my brother and I weren’t and still aren’t particularly close, growing up with him gave me a little insight to the male brain. I think I would’ve been even more scared of boys if my only close relationship had been with my father. But that’s just me. And I’m weird.
For those of us who have siblings, we’ve grown up being the oldest, youngest, or middle child, and with that comes certain roles that we have grown to accept or follow. Is it possible that we choose our mates based on compatibility because of order of birth? I think it’s very possible, but maybe not for everyone. I’m sure there’s many of you that are dating someone the same birth order as you or know someone who is.
From what I know of order of birth qualities I think middle children are the best at solving conflict and communicating because they’ve had to bridge the gap and solve the fights between their older and younger siblings. They are the mediators and are able to go with the flow and can pretty much date anyone. There are many stereotypes for being the oldest child or the youngest child and I know many people that carry that stereotype through (myself, included). Not everyone acts that way, so don’t get upset with me trying to prove that you don’t, but I know so many who do. And it’s not always a bad thing. The oldest child, while sometimes bossy and stubborn, are also hardworking and responsible. The youngest child, while at times expect to be babied by all around them and overly dependent, can be very driven and competitive and therefore can achieve much.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, maybe we balance each other out. Maybe we date people of opposing or different “order of births” because they play different roles in a family than we do and we need that to function properly. I think that if I ever dated another oldest child we would kill each other. We would both need to be “right” all the time. I have a few girl friends who are oldest child as well and I feel we sometimes compete with each other or don’t see eye to eye simply because we are very similar.
Basically, if you possess strong characteristics or traits, you need to find someone who will balance those out, regardless of their birth order.
I just like to play with the idea that it factors into your partner finding process. It’s kind of an interesting idea though, don’t you think?