The Cycle of Abuse

You know, I think I figured out the reason why we’re all so messed up. Because, deny it or not, most of us are… emotionally damaged, relationship wary, cynical about love, hot messes. And the sad truth is, it’s only those lucky few who avoid this entirely. The people that marry their high school sweethearts, their first loves, and therefore save themselves from ever suffering what the rest of us have to do over and over. They are never dumped, led on, used, or anything else that ultimately ends in heartache.

I used to think that I had dealt with more than my fair share of heartache. But I finally dragged myself out of self pity by realizing that 95% of us have dealt with more than is honestly fair. Why are we the ones so unlucky? And while I am glad I had these experiences, these learning lessons that taught me about people, men, and what is a healthy relationship is and what is not, I sometimes can’t help but wish I was part of that 5%. I’ve been used, but I’ve also used others. And so, I am horrified to admit, I have helped the cycle. But I am not alone. People everywhere are guilty of leading someone on because they were “safe,” someone who they knew wouldn’t hurt them because they knew they couldn’t take any more and it feels great to be in control. But on the flip side, the other person, ends up getting the short end of the stick and is left confused, upset, and angry. Then, chances are, they turn around and find someone “safe” for them and the process begins all over. Isn’t it horrible that we do this to each other? I am not saying that everyone does this, and there are always exceptions to any rule, but in my life I have seen far too much of this happen around me and involving me. It makes me wonder who started all this. Who were the stupid people that began this dreadful merry-go-round? But then I realized, it’s us. what if we are, in fact, the causes of our own heartache. Because sooner or later, the cycle comes back around and bites us in the butt. It’s a circle, and the only way to break it is to stop.


One thought on “The Cycle of Abuse

  1. I think there is so many aspects of life that involve “cycling”. I think of families and how children are raised and how the children then become parents and do the same things their parents did whether good or bad. It is extremely scary and difficult to say “enough. I am ending this now and this is not right”. It is uncomfortable and takes a lot of work. I think a lot of “cycling” involves “pay-back” or fear of thinking for yourself. It takes courage to actually act on the change you wish to see than thinking about how you want to change and never do anything about it. I applaud the people who are the first person in their family to go to college or the first person to go after their dream or stand up to someone or stand for something. The people who break the chains that are suffocating them and doing what they know is right.

    I got a bit off of the relationship aspect but I think what I shared can be applied to relationships as well along with merely every part of life.

    (Shout out to Mom #2! You know who you are!)

    I like the deep thinking Kail : )

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