“I knew you were trouble when you walked in”

….Because you’re an awful lying jerk or a stuck up diva, but I couldn’t help but love you anyway.

But really.

Why do we always find ourselves drawn to the people we know will hurt us?

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first for the ladies:

Girls can be stupid, really stupid, when it comes to relationships. 

As I’ve mentioned before, communication is the key. So many girls listen to what a boy is saying to them… but they don’t really hear it. I have watched the women around me do some not so smart things when it comes to love and I can’t help but shake my head. T once told me “yeah, some guys are a-holes, but girls are DUMB for dating them.” At first this comment angered me- I was so sure we were the victims here! 

But then I got to thinking about it. It’s no secret that hollywood is at fault for brain washing girls into believing that the bad boy is going to write you poetry simply because you’re the “right girl” for him… but is what T said true? Do we really? are we truly the ones who inflict the pain on ourselves? It’s not entirely our fault, I argued, because THEY are the ones who are jerks to begin with and there’s a whole slew of Katherine Heigl movies that make us think we will be the ones who change them. Real life = They don’t change. The cheaters are still cheaters. The serial daters are still serial daters. And even if they did, is that REALLY who you want your prince charming to be? Someone who kissed, dated, and possibly slept with hundreds of other girls before you? I prefer my prince charming to be unused, thank you. Not recycled so many times that the threads are coming undone. Yes, I did just compare that player you’re pining after to a well worn sweater. Not so sexy now, is he? 

 So really, in the end, who is to blame? The boys that break our hearts, the girls who date them, or the world of media? I want you to count in your head how many girls you know that are hoping their noah calhoun is going to show up and paint them a white house with blue shutters. Is it a lot? I thought so. Darn you ryan gosling.

If you’ve ever dated a not so good guy, I understand. For years I hoped and wished for the whole change miracle thing to come true. I wanted to take the non-committal boy and turn him into quality boyfriend material. But it never happened for me, and chances are, it’s not going to happen for you either. So I guess the really hard part is being patient. Playing the waiting game for that boy who is actually worth your while to walk into the picture. The situation can seem to be hopeless, and you may give up that he ever may be coming. But that’s the trick. It’s only once you FORGET this and start believing in yourself rather than in the perfect man that you even stand a chance of finding him. I know how hard that is: forgetting about him to get him. But I don’t want you to enter into that mindset thinking that the final destination is M.R.S. You need to free yourself. That way, you will grow as a individual, join a club, make new friends, move to a new city, and LIVE YOUR LIFE, until one day… you meet him. Whether it be in two weeks, or 25 years. There’s no perfect pattern, but if you truly love your life and yourself, why do you need a man? The right one will come when you’re ready and when the time in your life is right. So please, save yourself the heartache, and stop dating the guys you know are bad for you!

Now for da boys:

Have you ever stayed rigidly in the friend zone? Do you get the girls for a hot second only to have them dump you two days later? 

Do you over apologize for everything, always let her have her way, and basically assume the qualities of a doormat with chest hair? 

You might be a nice guy. Or, let me rephrase- a TOO nice guy. Most likely you’ve had trouble keeping or getting girls and you can’t quite figure out why because, let’s face it, you’re a total sweetheart! 

One of the seemingly obvious, but actually quite difficult things about relationships: You can’t be somebody’s pushover. The relationship must be of equal commitment, affection, and attention… simply put: You can not obsess over them as if they are a god. Because that is just sad. They can’t respect you then, and on the flip side, if someone treats you like you have no flaws and acts like a complete, for lack of a better word, wimp, the chase is over. You feel no equality in the relationship. The bottom line is: if you treat someone like they are too good for you, they will get the idea that they are.

Here’s some tips from yours truly:

  1. There’s a difference between being nice and being a doormat… there’s nothing wrong with being nice, it’s only when you give up opinions, likes, and interests of your own to please someone else. You need to be your own person.
  2. Take care of yourself. You don’t need to have a 6 pack, be super tan, and wear ralph lauren. But you do need to shower, shave, and wear unwrinkled clothes that fit you. I know a couple of “nice” guys who don’t seem confident in the way they look. You could look like sloth from the goonies, but if you shower and are confident in the way you look: you’ll get the ladies (ok.. maybe not sloth. but you get the picture).
  3. If she’s not into you… She’s not into you. There is a difference between playing hard to get and turning you down after you’ve asked her out for the 8th time (hint hint hint. I’m looking at you). For some girls, you will just end up being the “friend,” and yeah it sucks, but she’s not the girl you’re supposed to be with in that way. Enjoy the friendship, and someday a girl will come along who says “yes” the first time you ask. 

Sadly, it’s true that some girls truly want the “bad guy.” T once went on a date with a girl who later told him he was too nice for her. I can think of several guys who I would say are TOO nice, and T is not one of them. I could just be particularly bias, but while he is a incredibly sweet guy, he holds his own. So I guess it mostly depends on the girl. Some girls are afraid of commitment and therefore only date guys they know will be gone within the week. From my experience, if the girl really truly in her heart decides she wants to keep a guy, she will figure out what she’s been doing wrong and when she meets a nice guy, things will work. A certain friend of mine has had a girlfriend for quite some time now, and I personally would’ve previously categorized him as a “too nice” guy… But he waited it out, and eventually the right girl came around. 

So I guess, don’t date the crazies. I know most of us are, and I apologize for that. But I promise you, if you truly are a sweet to the core guy: if you step up your game just a bit and show off the confidence that I know you have, you will eventually find a girl. Pursue her, girls love to be chased. The biggest problem I’ve always had with nice guys is that they made me chase them. I know it seems old fashioned, but it works. Ask her out. Text her. BUT WITH LIMITS. Let her text you first sometimes. Use your nice guy charm on her friends. I have confidence in you, and if you find enough in yourself, other girls will see it too.

 

NOW GO OUT THERE AND GET ‘EM

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One thought on ““I knew you were trouble when you walked in”

  1. Once again Brill! I LOVED your insight, especially paragraph 4 under the guy column. Dang girl! So well put and an easy read! Oh I also enjoyed the movie references bahaha spot on with Kathrine Heigl! I have never thought about that!

    Such a blessing to see you expressing yourself and using your hard times and lessons to help others : )

    Love ya!

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